Page 48 of Half Baked

“Mom,” Noah protested in frustration. “Are you suggesting that Maddie instigated any of those situations?”

“Of course not, but I’m sure I’m not the only one to make such correlations. Especially you were just shot a couple of days ago.”

“What has gotten into you?” Noah spat out. “If you can’t be nice, then Maddie and I are leaving.”

“It’s okay,” I said because Ididbelieve her statements and questions were coming from a place of motherly concern. “I can assure you, other than my mother’s murder and the two incidents in November and December, I lead a pretty boring life. I used to be a middle school librarian.” I reached over and picked up Noah’s water glass. “Can’t get much more boring than that.”

I was pissed at myself for calling my librarian job boring. I’d loved my job, but I knew how most people saw it, and I was trying to convince Noah’s mother that I wasn’t dangerous to her son….which should have been amusing considering he was the police detective.

Matilda bustled over to the table, her cheeks red from the heat of the kitchen. “Laura Langley,” she said as she approached. “I’m so pleased to meet you. I’m Matilda Forrester.”

Laura got out of the booth again and gave the woman a warm hug. “I’ve heard a lot about you the past few days. I hear you’re the person who’s keeping my son from clogging his arteries with frozen and fast food.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “You make it sound like I’m the kid fromHome Aloneeating a bunch of junk food.”

His mother lifted her brow. “If the shoe fits…”

Matilda laughed and pointed a finger at him. “She’s got you pegged.” Turning back to face Laura, she said, “I hear you met my boy, Lance, this morning.”

“I did,” Laura said with bright eyes. “Lovely young man. So respectful. You raised him right.”

“I could say the same to you,” Matilda said, winking at Noah.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” he grumbled under his breath, taking the glass of water from me and taking several gulps.

“Well. I’m honored to meet you,” Laura said, then gazed around the room. “And your tavern is lovely.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t always easy while raising all my kids. Still, it paid all those grocery and orthodontist bills after their rotten daddy took off.”

“I’m so sorry,” Laura said, sounding like she genuinely meant it. So it was just me she’d taken a kneejerk dislike to. Fantastic.

“Water under the bridge,” Matilda said, shaking her head. “He’s someone else’s problem now, bless her heart.” Matilda studied the table and frowned with displeasure. “That Janie’s fallin’ down on the job. There’s only two water glasses and two sets of silverware.”

“She was waiting until Maddie got here,” Noah said. “And it looks like she’s had her hands full.” He motioned to a table with eight men in their late twenties and early thirties who were going out of their way to flirt with the pretty waitress, but a couple of them looked like they were being a little handsy.

A dour look pinched Matilda’s face. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna have to put the fear of Matilda into a few men.”

“Of course,” Laura said.

Matilda waddled over and leaned over the table, pointing her finger in a few men’s faces and lecturing them in a tone too low for us to hear. A few seconds later, their gaze landed on an elderly man on a barstool at the counter. Their attention shifted back to Matilda, all the men nodding with looks of terror on their faces.

Matilda came back, grinning from ear to ear. “We should be good now. Janie’ll be over in a few minutes.” She started to walk away.

“Wait,” Noah called after her. “What did you tell them?”

Her brow rose. “I told ’em if they didn’t treat my waitress with respect, I was gonna pull their balls out through their ears and, if they didn’t believe me, they could look at George over on the stool.” Chuckling, she headed back to the kitchen.

Noah burst out laughing, but I struggled to hold back my own laughter because Laura didn’t seem amused. Tim was a regular who had moved to Tennessee after living in Alaska for forty years. He’d suffered frostbite on his ears and lost part of his earlobes. What he did still have was swollen and misshapen. Matilda’s threat might have been cruel if George weren’t constantly telling strangers horrific and not-so-horrific completely false explanations of what had happened.

IlovedMatilda.

Janie came over with another water glass, apologizing profusely. Since Noah and I had both been there several times, we already knew what we wanted. Laura quickly glanced at the menu and ordered a chef’s salad.

Once Janie walked away with our menus and order, Laura returned her attention to me. “I hear you have an elderly aunt who’s unwell.”

So the interrogation had resumed.

Noah sighed, but I answered Laura’s questions about Aunt Deidre for the next few minutes.

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