Page 88 of For the Birds

We got in the truck and followed her from far enough away that she wouldn’t notice unless she was looking.

When she turned down her street, I stayed on the cross street—there were no other cars, thankfully—and watched her park in the driveway. Miss Mildred grabbed the bags out of the trunk and headed straight to her backyard instead of the front door, something else that was uncharacteristic ofher.

Now I knew something weird was goingon.

“Maybe we should call Joe and have him take her to get a psych evaluation,” Isaid.

“Let’s see what she’s up to first.”

I turned down her street and parked one houseaway.

“No need to sneak around,” Neely Kate said. “I’m flat-out worried enough to risk tickin’ heroff.”

“Agreed.” I hooked up Muffy’s leash to make sure she didn’t run away again. After we got out, Neely Kate, Muffy, and I circled around the side of Miss Mildred’s house.

I gasped when I saw the heavily landscaped yard. I hadn’t been back here in years, and while I knew that Miss Mildred’s position as president of the Henryetta Garden Club had inspired her to always try and one-up her friends, I was shocked it had gone this far. The yard was broken up into segments and bursting with roses and hydrangeas and other flowers. The only places not festooned with flowers were the stepping stone paths leading through the flower beds and the fountain of a man and a dog in the middle of the yard. There was no sign of Miss Mildred, but she’d set the Walmart bags down on the back porch.

I started to turn to Neely Kate to see what she made of that when I realized the fountain statue looked remarkably like Miss Mildred’s deceased husband. He was standing next to his old hunting dog and holding a welding torch close to his leg. Water shot out of the end where the flame would have been, then collected in the basin he was standing in. Two things grabbed my attention: One, the unfortunate placement of the torch made it look like he was peeing, and two, the stream of water was falling short and landing on the dog’shead.

Miss Mildred emerged from her back door with an armload of plates and hobbled down the steps, still wearing the scarf and sunglasses. I grabbed Neely Kate’s arm and dragged her behind a large bush closer to the corner of the house.

Miss Mildred set the plates out on her small patio table. I counted ten before she had them all laidout.

“Do you think she’s havin’ a garden party?” Neely Kate whispered.

“No way. She’d cut off her arm before servin’ her guests Walmart baked goods.”

The elderly woman grabbed one of the bags and dumped the contents in the middle of the table, one of the cakes landing upside down in its container.

“She’s lost it,” Neely Kate murmured.

I’d been reserving my final judgment, but then I heard her mumbling, “I didn’t know what you liked, so I got you all kinds of goodies.”

Who was she talkingto?

She kept talking as she put a small serving of everything she’d bought on the plates, looking up in the sky every so often while she held a hand to her forehead to shield hereyes.

When she finished, she clapped her hands together once and said, “Okay, come and getit.”

I glanced back at Neely Kate and pushed out a sigh. “I think we should call Joe and have her evaluated.”

She’d pulled out her phone, presumably about to make the call, when Muffy released abark.

I squatted next to her. “Shh!”

But it was too late. Miss Mildred turned in our direction holding a cake knife in her hand. “Who’s over there?”

I stood and walked out, holding Muffy’s leash in my hand. “Hey, Miss Mildred.”

She took a step backward, bumping into the table. “You here to finish thejob?”

“No, Miss Mildred,” Neely Kate said. “We’re just worried aboutyou.”

“Well, you’ve got no reason to be. Nowget!”

“But Miss Mildred,” Neely Kate said, gesturing to the spread of subpar baked goods on the table. “You’re clearly confused.”

“I’m not confused. Now get out, or I’m gonnacall—”

---