Page 60 of Trailer Trash

The poop was dried and caked to her bottom. I put the warm rag over it to get it loose, then gently wiped the red, angry skin. She cried harder as I put ointment on her, and I was about to fasten her new diaper when I felt Jed standing behind me.

“I made her a bottle,” he said quietly. He stared at her bottom as I closed up the diaper and fastened the tabs, and while he didn’t say anything, I felt him tense.

I picked her up and held her close, and she grabbed a handful of my hair and clung to me for dear life.

Jed handed me the bottle before picking up the dirty washcloth that was sitting on top of the dirty diaper on the dresser. “You start feeding her and I’ll get another washrag.”

I nodded, nearly in tears as I carefully sat on the rocking chair and put the bottle to the baby’s mouth.

She began to suck in earnest, as though worried I was going to take it from her. I held her close while she ate, and she wrapped her tiny hand around my ring finger.

Jed returned and crouched in front of me, watching her with that same empty expression. What was he thinking? Was he upset I was doing this?

Holding this baby made me think of my own childhood, born to a woman who’d had me for selfish reasons . . . just like Stella. But Crystal also made me think about the babies I’d lost—two due to my miscarriage and one of my own doing. How could Stella get this precious gift and treat her so badly? How could I walk away and leave this baby with her heartless mother? What would Stella do if I insisted on taking her daughter with me?

Jed stared up at me, and I realized his mask of indifference had finally dropped. The pure rage I saw on his face scared the bejiggers out of me.

“We can’t take her with us.”

My mouth dropped open. “How . . .”

“Because I know you, Neely Kate. I know it’s killing you to see her like this.”

“You’re angry that I want to take her with me? I’ll find another way home.”

“I’m not angry withyou. I could literally kill that woman for treating her baby like this, but we both know I can’t do that. And if that coldhearted bitch talked you into an abortion so your loser boyfriend would be available for her to steal, do you really think she’s going to let you walk out of here with her baby?”

“But she doesn’t want her, Jed!” I whisper-shouted.

“That may be true, but she’s getting welfare money for her. She’s not going to let this baby go, and she’s especially not going to letyouhave her. She’s so jealous of you she can’t see straight.”

I knew he was right, but it killed me to think of leaving Crystal with the woman in the other room. “Do you expect me to just walk away and leave this poor baby to that monster?”

“No. As soon as we walk out that door, I’m going to report her to the authorities.”

“But Stella will know we did it.”

“So? It doesn’t sound like she’s got anything to hold over you.”

“But my past . . . with Branson . . .”

“Who’s she going to tell? It’s not like you’re running for president.”

“But . . .”

“Neely Kate, we’ve all done things we’re ashamed of, even Rose. But if Stella doesn’t have anything to hold over your head that could land you in jail, then there’s nothing stopping us from reporting her.” He was still speaking in an undertone, but his voice was full of conviction. “I know you don’t want to leave the baby like this,” he said, reaching over and putting a hand on my knee, “and neither do I, but we really don’t have a choice. If you take this baby with you, Stella can have you arrested for kidnapping, and I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Let me finish cleaning her up.” I reached for the new washrag in his hand.

“No,” he said, refusing to relinquish the rag. “We need to leave her dirty. The authorities have to see how badly she’s treating her.”

Tears filled my eyes. “I can’t walk away from her like this.”

“I don’t like it any more than you do, but we don’t have a choice. This is our best course of action to save her.”

He was right, of course, which wouldn’t make it any easier to leave.

When she finished her bottle, I put her on my shoulder and burped her, tears streaming down my face. How could God take away my babies and leave this poor baby with Stella?

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