Page 36 of Trailer Trash

The worry and concern I saw instead made me reel.

He gently grabbed my arm and helped me out. We started toward the stairs, but I was exhausted and dizzy from the whiskey. He swooped me up into his arms, carrying me as though I weighed next to nothing. Something inside of me told me to stop him, but I didn’t want to fight. I’d been fighting all my life, and I was sowearyof it.

Maybe it was time to just let things be.

Maybe it was time to give up.

After opening the door, he turned on the light. Then he set me down on the king-sized bed as gently as if I were made of porcelain. He tossed my bag onto the dresser on his way into the bathroom, and less than half a minute later he was back, sitting on the bed next to me.

He grabbed my chin and gently turned me to face him.

I stared at his chest, too humiliated to look him in the eyes. He lifted a wet washcloth and tenderly began to wipe my mascara-smeared face.

I lifted my hand to stop him, still focusing on his shirt. “Jed. Stop. You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” he said softly as he pulled my hand from his. “When was the last time someone besides Rose took care of you?”

The thought made me teary again. “Ronnie. After my miscarriage. He tried, but he didn’t understand.”

“Didn’t understand what?” he asked as he continued wiping my face.

“He knew I was upset over losing the babies, but he didn’t get why I felt so guilty.”

“Wasn’t he upset too?”

“In a way, I guess. I think he was partially relieved, especially when he found out they were twins. Part of me wonders if he really wanted them. I was so eager for it all, it was almost like he got caught up in the wave.” I looked up at him. “Now I wonder if he wanted any of it for himself.”

“Wanted what?” he asked quietly, but I could see a storm brewing in his eyes.

“The house. The baby. Our marriage. He wanted those things, but I think I pushed him into them a whole lot sooner than he had planned.” I shrugged. “Maybe I was scared he’d see the real me and run.” I took the rag from him and finished wiping.

Turned out I’d been right to worry. I’d spent plenty of sleepless nights thinking about it all. Realizing it couldn’t be a coincidence that Ronnie had turned cold and distant right after the doctor told us I was unlikely to get pregnant again because I’d had too many STDs.

“He must have wanted all of that if he gave in.”

I shook my head. “I can be . . . insistent.”

“He was a grown-ass man, capable of saying no,” he said in a rough tone.

“Maybe.” But I couldn’t help thinking that things might have been different if I hadn’t pushed so hard. In that alternate world, I wouldn’t be trying to get a divorce from a man who’d abandoned me. And I definitely wouldn’t be blubbering to Jed now. I’d made an utter fool of myself tonight. I lowered the washcloth. “I’m sorry for earlier . . . I’m humiliated beyond belief. I shouldn’t have . . .” I paused. “I couldn’t stand to think you thought less of me—”

“Don’t you ever be ashamed of doing what you needed to do to survive.”

“Still . . .” My face felt hot. “I’ve made it weird between us. I plan to visit my old trailer park tomorrow. I’m sure I still have friends there. You don’t need to come. I can even stay with them so you can head back and try to work things out with Skeeter.”

“I’m not leaving you, Neely Kate,” he said in a tone that let me know it wasn’t up for debate.

“I know you made Rose a promise—”

“You think I’m staying for Rose?” he asked in disbelief. “Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: I’m here for me.”

I searched his face for answers. I still couldn’t understand why he was willing to deal with my thousands of pounds of baggage. “Why?”

“Because you need a friend. I’m your friend.”

I glanced down, still embarrassed. I wanted to believe him, but Jed didn’t seem like the kind of guy who tolerated weakness, and I’d shown plenty of it tonight. “But you were so angry with me . . .”

He shook his head and said emphatically, “Not with you, Neely Kate. I was angry at the situation.” He scooted over a few inches. “Look,” he said in frustration. “I could see you were hurt . . . that someone or several someoneshad hurt you bad. You’ve told me next to nothing, so I don’t know who the people who hurt you are or what they did . . . and then I saw you drowning your sorrows in cheap whiskey, talking to that lowlife you used to work for . . . and it makes meso angrythat I can’t fix this for you.” His voice rose and he stopped. “That’s what I do, Neely Kate—I fix Skeeter’s problems—and I’m damn good at it. I’d give anything to fix this for you, but I don’t even know whatthisis.”

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