Page 53 of Savage Surrender

I shook my head. My God, that was so far from the truth it was laughable. I had to force myself to socialize at all. My guys annoyed me and I had to practice not letting my resting bitch face show all the time.

“You just had to sleep around.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“I know you did! I know you’ve been fucking some moron you met there.”

I was tempted to fight back, to put him on the spot and ask how he knew or how he thought he knew anything at all about what I’d been up to. Asking him to clarify what he knew or had heard would just come off as a confirmation that he was right, though.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard. I kept thinking to myself, no, that can’t be true. I didn’t raise a dumbass. I thought, no, you can’t be that fucking stupid.”

He doesn’t know.Tense and waiting for him to mention Viktor, or that I had slept with one of my professors, I tried to accept that he didn’t know. He was mad, but he didn’t seem to care about who, precisely, I’d slept with. Just that I had.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as calmly but firmly as I could. Feigning innocence and ignorance felt like a tricky attempt at escaping his wrath. It was clear that I had to tone down the heat of this moment. I had to de-escalatethis situation. If he merely thought I was fucking up or doing something wrong, he could take out his anger on Maxim.

“You don’t know.” He growled, laughing maniacally like I’d spouted utter nonsense. “You hear that?” He flung his hand at Peter and the other guard who’d come into the room. “She claims that she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. What a fucking joke.”

“I don’t,” I insisted. “You heard wrong.” That was a lie. I had slept with someone, only one, and I felt so stupid to want him to be the only man I would ever have in my life. But I would take that secret to my grave.

“I ask you to do one thing. I expected you to be there, not to party and sleep around, but to find out who is trying to take over that area and claim it.” He ranted on, repeating the same thing, too stuck in his head and not even open to listening to anything but the sound of his own voice. “I thought I had one child to count on. One fucking kid to rely on. Is it so hard to expect to have one worthwhile offspring? Huh?” He flung his arms out. “You’re goddamn useless to me now! Do you realize that? You’re damaged goods.”

I crossed my arms, refusing to let him see me cowering in fear or shame. Sleeping with Viktor didn’t make me worthless.

“You’re supposed to remain a virgin, you stupid bitch!”

I narrowed my eyes. “What does it fucking matter?” He was getting hung up on a non-issue.Iknew I wouldn’t be married off. Because I would kill him before that happened. “You never intended for me to marry into the Ilyin family, anyway. You were just humoring them and letting them think I would. So what does it even matter now?”

He seethed, scowling at me. “The option of that illusion is gone now,” he growled. “No one else would even be interested in you as a bride because you’re damaged goods now. You threw away your virginity for some moron at college.”

I shook my head, debating how quickly a guard would shoot me if I attacked him now. Letting my rage fuel me, I imagined wrapping my hands around his neck for ever thinking I wasn’t a human or a person or a daughter, but athingto use as a token of business. I could feel the imaginary squeeze of my fingers digging into his pudgy neck, choking the life out of him. Watching the panic fill his eyes would be a victory I would cherish forever.

I could do it.

I would do it. I’d kill him someday soon. As soon as I could secure some money to escape and plot the timeline of running as far as I could with Maxim, I would make it happen.

But I had such limited cash socked away, with him always watching and controlling every penny I spent. I didn’t have a route of escape yet, no means to physically get away and not for long. I had to continuously sweep my apartment for bugs and trackers that the guards placed, disabling them every time I found them.

Today wouldn’t be the day. Today couldn’t be the day. I wasn’t prepared yet, and I cursed myself for paying so much time and attention on Viktor and the grand feelings of security and affection that wouldn’t save me for the long-term. I had to be focusing on getting out of here, on making sure Maxim could escape with me and not suffer.

I stormed out of there, turning my back on him and not slowing until I reached the car. The driver was out there, but my guards weren’t.

“I want to leave,” I bit out. That was the honest truth, the whole truth. I wanted to get out of here for good. The racing tempo of my heart wouldn’t calm down, and I tried to ignore the prickling sensation of being so anxious. So trapped.

It wasn’t anything like when Viktor preyed on me at the library. Or in his bedroom. And I wanted that. I needed him, for no other reason than to stop this panicky feeling of being ungrounded and lost.

Peter and the other guard rushed out, glaring at me for not waiting until I was dismissed.

The driver glanced at them, then sighed and flicked his cigarette to the ground. It seemed waiting for me to come out for a ride was when he always took his smoke breaks. Lately, my patience and willingness to be near my father were getting trimmed shorter and shorter.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Peter shot me a dirty look as I got in the backseat.

With my pissy, hulking guards in the front and next to me, I was taken back to school. But that wasn’t good enough. The distance from my father helped. He could be mad and rant and pace all he wanted. I didn’t have to stand there and take his verbal abuse. The sight of my apartment building didn’t comfort me, though. It felt like another trap, another cage.

“I’m going to the library,” I said, not caring what the guards thought of that. They didn’t follow me, leaving me to my own devices.

On the walk there, fuming and a little scared of what would happen to me now, I tried to understand how anyone could have told my father that I had slept with someone.

The only person who came to mind was that jealous redhead from the admin office. The dean’s niece, Jessica Nolan.

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