Page 25 of Savage Surrender

I bit my tongue, watching my temper. I had to negotiate, not lash out. “He deserves a life. Not to be a prisoner.”

“Maybe if he weren’t such a weak waste of space,” my father argued, “he might.”

Staring at him with all the hatred my soul could contain, I vowed it again.

I’m going to kill you. I will rid the world of your evil and I will enjoy every second of killing you.

Maxim was an innocent victim. So was I. And one day, I would right those wrongs.

“Maxim isn’t a priority,” he reminded me.

Not to you.But he most certainly was to me. I was the only one rooting for him.

“Yourpriority is staying on campus and doing as you're told. Find out what you can about who was raped last night. Look intoJames and Benson. Have something to fucking report to me for once.”

I was dismissed. Like a tool, a discardedthing, he sent me away.

All night, I couldn’t avoid worrying about my brother. This anxiety was nothing new, but the more that it gnawed on me, the worse I felt. It was a consuming, relentless beast, taking my every thought and stealing my ability to function in any other way.

If I were to lose Maxim, I would have nothing. I would have no one. He was the only source of anything good in my life, and I couldn’t stomach losing him or knowing he could suffer any further.

Because of this stress, I slept terribly. Nothing helped. Not a jog on the treadmill at the apartment’s gym. Not a snack. Not TV, even the lamest documentary I could find. Reading was a no-go as well, since I couldn’t focus enough to actually absorb a single word of what my gaze swept over. Homework preoccupied me a little bit, but it wasn’t until very late that my eyes closed and I attempted to sleep. I ended up oversleeping, setting a very lousy mood for the rest of the day.

Getting up hours late had me rushing to reach campus on time, but despite my best hurried efforts, I felt not like myself. Exhaustion nipped at me as I walked toward the building my first class was in. I didn’t stop for coffee first, which was so unlike me. I needed caffeine in the morning like a plant needed water.

Knowing I’d be seeing Professor Remi should’ve put a little extra pep in my step and encouraged me to look forward to this class,but I was too tired and stressed to let anything cut through my mood.

I arrived late, something that I loathed with a passion. Punctuality was an elemental feature of success, no matter the situation. It was especially annoying in the classroom. My time here was a joke. I wasn’t here to study for a career, but at times, it was interesting. It was fun to sometimes pretend I was here as an intellectual, living an ordinary life like all the other students who had a bright future ahead of them. My future would only begin once I killed my father, so I supposed I couldn’t get far in wanting to be like everyone else outside the Mafia circles.

When a professor or instructor was late, it held the whole class back, as though our time wasn’t valuable or respected. When a student arrived late, sneaking in after the lesson or class had begun, it was a frustrating distraction.

This time, I was the one sneaking in, closing the door behind me as quietly as I could.

Without the usual ample morning downtime to get myself dressed and ready today, I felt sloppier than usual, not put together like I preferred. And it showed.

I turned from closing the door, feeling everyone’s eyes on me as I entered. I was in the spotlight now, and I hated it when I didn’t look my best.

Worst of all, though, was the sensation of Professor Remi’s eyes on me. Viktor’s gaze. He paused mid-sentence at my arrival, and he stared at me with something between contempt and curiosity, a bizarre range that triggered me to feel self-conscious. With how I’d last spent time near him, I was on edge.

Had he been leaning in to kiss me?

Was his talking dirty like that a prank?

I couldn’t decipher his expression as he watched me walk into the room and take a seat. He was even better at masking his emotions than I was—cool and blank-faced but with a low-lying burn of anger hinted at in his steely glare.

“Ms. Petrov,” he said loudly.

Dammit.I loathed hearing my name. I couldn’t stand the reminder that I was my father’s daughter. But I knew better than to wish for him to call me Irina in front of the class. Hearing my name roll off his tongue was a private treat I wanted to treasure and keep to myself.

“Nice of you to join us.” He lowered his gaze toward the podium, returning to what he had been reviewing. “You will come to my office this evening for the material you’ve missed.”

Shit.I nodded, though, not in the mood to make a scene or argue. Iwaslate, and I had missed a lot today. His announcement wasn’t an offer or request, but an order. Regardless of how he conveyed the message, it was one more thing for me to deal with.

I was anxious about Maxim being near violence or being cooped up in low-quality housing. I was furious with my father’s treatment of me and my brother, wishing I could just kill him now or run away. And now I had to deal with Viktor being on my ass about classwork.

I sighed heavily, regretting that I hadn’t stopped for coffee. Being here in college was a ruse. It was a big game of pretend, but I couldn’t fail. I refused to be that much of a slacker because in the back of my mind, when I logically thought ahead to what life could be like after I killed my father and escaped, I knew Iwould need a job. Obtaining a useful degree now could benefit me in the long run. Whenever I could have the freedom to work for a living and provide for Maxim, to make a life on my own terms, I would be able to use my college experience.

So pay attention and stop whining.I blinked and rubbed my eyes that were so irritated from the cold walk and lousy sleep. Buckling in to listen to Viktor’s lecture, I forced myself to remain alert and do my work.

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