Page 54 of I Should Hate You-but I Don't

He'd come into the house almost weekly for the last three months. Ninety-nine percent of the time, they'd end up in bedtogether. She clung to those moments. When she was alone or working, she let herself imagine a future with him.

That's what people do when they love each other.

"The constant reminder that you don't want a relationship with me makes me feel like I should move into town and have my own life away from Gem Haven." Her throat seized. "Away from you."

His mouth tightened. She'd never threatened him before.

Ever since she was eleven, she'd begged him never to leave. Begged to live with him forever. The thought of losing him sent her into a panic attack.

But she needed to know why he couldn't love her the way she needed loved.

"You're not leaving."

"Give me a good reason to stay," she whispered.

He dipped his chin to his chest, closed his eyes, and inhaled through his nose. She pulled her hands out of his grasp. Maybe he was using her if he had to think of a reason.

She stepped away from him, shaking her head as the ache in her chest increased.

"River?" His gaze softened. "If I could love you—"

She waved her hands, stopping him from saying any more. She was tired of the excuses, the same reasons that made no sense to her. Most of all, she disappointed herself, because deep in her heart, no matter what Zane told her, she'd welcome him into her bed the next time he walked into the house.

If she only got a small part of him, she'd take it. She couldn't explain her obsession for him. But it was real.

"I can't lose you, too," she whispered.

"You won't lose me." He kissed her, proving his words.

She'd always trusted him. Since she was eleven years old, and he was a big, bad biker on the corner of the street. Something told her back then that Zane and Kingsley couldn't hurt her asbadly as she was hurting after losing Kenna, and she'd listened to her gut to trust them.

He stepped away and walked out of the bedroom. On nights like tonight, she felt as if he'd always be coming and going in her life and never staying.

Chapter Twenty Four

River

––––––––

Zane reached across the truck's bench seat and held River's hand. Her heart was in her throat. How many times had Kingsley claimed he was close to getting Kenna and then came home without her?

This time, Kingsley had Kenna with him. It was the closest she'd come to seeing her sister.

The last time River was with her sister, Kenna was twelve years old. She'd seen a picture or two through the years that Kingsley brought her, but nothing could prepare her a twenty-one-year-old sister. God, she missed her like crazy.

She wondered what kind of person her sister grew up to be and what kind of life she'd led. The little amount that Kingsley had told her worried her. Her sister had a rough time growing up in foster care, eventually ending up in a girl's home because she was challenging to place.

Nervous energy turned her stomach. "I feel sick."

"Do you need me to pull over?" Zane slowed down.

"No, no." She pressed her back into the seat. "I don't want to waste a minute."

Her unspoken worry was that Kenna wanted nothing to do with her old life. Their mom and dad were gone, and maybe their sister-sister relationship wasn't important enough to withstand years of separation.

She swallowed hard, fighting the queasiness. It was the opposite for her. Every year that passed, she became more determined to find Kenna.

Every penny she'd earned was put in Zane's safe for the day she finally had enough to hire a private investigator.

---