Page 98 of Debugging Love

I fix my eyes on the road, my focused attention more critical now that traffic has picked up. The traffic jam is an hour behind us. Ahead are the Appalachian foothills and then Atlanta. I’d like to reach I-285 by seven o’clock, eat before we reach the hotel, and call it a night, but the gridlock cost us nearly an hour and I’m not sure my stomach can wait that long.

“What are you doing?” Danni squeals as she gawks at whatever is happening behind us. I glance at the rearview mirror. All I see is the back window and the car behind me.

“Put it back on!” Danni hollers.

I glance over my shoulder and get an eyeful of Drew’s surprisingly chiseled chest, absent any chest hairs. He’s a buff nerd.

“I will put it back on when Chance lowers the AC,” Drew huffs.

Morgan and Drew have been going back and forth about the ambient temperature for the last forty-five minutes. She’s too cold. He’s too hot. He refuses to remove his “neck brace.” Morgan nearly strangles him trying to yank it off.

Danni reaches for the temperature controls and hits the down arrow.

“No!” Morgan cuts in. “I’m hot. I mean, I’m cold. I mean, turn it back up, Danni.”

Danni scowls at her friend.

“When is the last time you went to your gynecologist,” Drew asks Morgan.

I can’t see her face, but I’m sure it looks horrified. Then again, I suck at reading the room, so I could be wrong.

“Not long ago,” she answers.

“You should ask him or her to give you a blood test to check your hormone levels. You could be in early menopause, which can include both cold and hot flashes, low libido, vaginal dryness, hair loss.”

Danni hunches over and presses her hands to her ears.

“I am not in early menopause,” Morgan says hastily, and then she purrs, “Not even close.”

Danni peeks up at me, kinda like she did before I saved her from that spider. I share her sentiment, but mine is mixed with curiosity.

“Okay, who’s ready to stop and eat?” I ask.

“I need to eat now,” Drew says. “As in right now. Pull over so I can get my protein bars from my bag.”

“I can’t pull over,” I say. “I’m on the interstate.”

“It is not illegal.”

“I’m pretty sure stopping just to grab a protein bar is illegal.”

“Fine. I will starve.”

“There are restaurants at the next exit,” Danni says. She points to the sign that lists the local fast food joints along with Cracker Barrel and iHop.

“I call Burger Boy!” Drew shouts.

Danni breathes deeply as she smooths her shorts. “You don’t have to yell.”

“I did not yell. That was my stomach.”

“Your stomach has a mouth?” Morgan asks.

“And vocal chords. And teeth.”

Morgan laughs way too hard at Drew’s joke. I cut her off, “I don’t eat beef.”

“Chicky Chops?” Danni offers.

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