Page 50 of Petite Fleur

It must be nice to be able to take off whenever you like. I hope someday that can be me.

I hope someday I can take a vacation whenever I want rather than spend my entire day in the dining hall because it's the only place I can afford to eat.

It's not all bad. The workers are so sweet, periodically bringing me snacks and new bottles of water whenever mine starts to get low.

It makes me dread the next few months when school will be out of session and the dining hall will be closed. Not just because I can't afford to feed myself, but because I won't get to see the sweet workers until we come back in the fall.

Thankfully, school is only out for three months, but it still sucks.

I will have almost no food money for three months and no work unless I can find something hiring just for the summer.

So far, no luck.

It's looking dangerously close to me having to go home for the summer like Carlie is, but I'd rather rack up credit card debt that I can't pay in order not to go home.

It wouldn't be much, just the money to eat. I make sure my rent and other bills are covered year-round by my school job.

Thank goodness for being taught money management as a kid.

It was driven into my brain from such a young age that I'm not sure I could stray from my ways if I tried.

My entire life, it was "20% of every check must be put in savings." It sounds nice when you can afford to live, but my bills take up almost every cent I make.

I have $60 a month to eat and afford the bus.

There are no savings, and I can't promise there will ever be any.

A few times over this school year, students have tipped me for helping them find their books.

I know I should have been responsible and saved the money, but I was so excited to afford gluten-free cookies or even some extra proteins for the month, but I get it: being financially stable is more important than being happy.

I know it's stupid and shallow, but for once, I'd like to buy brand-new jeans rather than thrifted.

I'd like to buy name-brand cookies, go to a concert, splurge on coffee in the mornings, or even take a vacation.

I haven't been on a vacation since before puberty.

The whole friend group goes to Miami every year for spring break, the whole group except for me, that is.

I wonder what it's like to have rich parents...

Scratch that; I wonder what it feels like to have loving parents.

"Bitch." I hear, looking up to see Carlie, Sean, Shelby, and a few others standing in front of me.

I pick my head up from my laptop, smiling at everyone.

Shelby looks away from me as soon as I get to her, but I have to ignore it. I have to pretend it doesn't sting that she only acknowledges me when my face is between her legs.

I can't think about that right now, not with the whole friend group staring at me. "What's up?" I ask sweetly.

If Shelby won't look at me, I won't look at her.

So, my focus is on Carlie and Sean, mostly Carlie, who shifts her weight onto her hip and smiles at me. "We're going out tonight." She announces.

I just nod. "That's great." I tell her. It doesn't affect me; I'll be spending the evening alone.

I splurged last week, skipping a few grocery essentials to afford a birthday cake for myself.

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