Page 57 of Siege of Shadows

And he turned to me, his beautiful features streaked wet. He trembled helplessly. “They weren’t lies. I’m sorry. I... I wish you’d never met me.”

15

I WISH YOU’D NEVER METme.

“Stop hesitating!” Chae Rin barked as her bo staff came for my head.

I hadn’t even realized that I’d stopped moving. It was for a split second, but apparently that was enough for a hit to land. It wasn’t Chae Rin’s staff, though, but Belle’s that swept me off my feet from behind. My own staff slipped out of my hands as my back hit the mat hard.

The morning sun filtered through the high windows of the training gym. We’d been training for hours; it was already a little past breakfast time, and yet I felt as if I were barely awake and functioning. I usually performed better than this during training. Once, I’d even earned an approving nod from Belle, who usually doled out her compliments with all the generosity of a miser.

Today, I was sluggish, falling to easy attacks. I was also careless, though having to block both Belle and Chae Rin at the same time wasn’t exactly a walk in the park.

Harder still if your mind was elsewhere.

“You need to concentrate.” Chae Rin stuck out a hand to help me up, but the moment I touched her fingers and began to pull myself off the ground, she snapped hers away, letting me fall back down. “And stop letting your guard down,” she added, using her staff to hit my leg.

Belle nudged my head with her staff and flicked her chin up. “On your feet.”

I got up, my bones burning as I picked my staff off the ground. The white bandages around my left arm, the ones I tied there to sop up the blood after one of Chae Rin’s attacks, were starting to come unfurled. Lake probably wasn’t having an easier time, having to climb the thick rope set up a few feet away from us all the way to the very high ceiling. She was halfway up, but I could hear her whimpering from down here as she climbed, inch by painful inch.

“What’s wrong?” Chae Rin tapped her staff against the floor, forcing a flinch out of me. “You’re distracted. What’s going on in there?”

“Is it Natalya?” Belle suddenly launched an attack, twisting around to sweep me off my feet again. I jumped, dodging it this time, turning quickly to block Chae Rin’s staff. The loudcrackof wood against wood reverberated against the ceiling.

“No,” I grunted, blocking Belle’s next attack while leaning back to dodge Chae Rin. “This steel thingy is keeping the voices under control in there.”

The neck-band was still around my neck like a dog collar. The back of my neck kept chafing from Mellie’s stupid injection, and it was all I could do to keep my fingers from scratching the itch at the base of my neck, but it was doing its job.

“If that’s the case, then maybe we should try scrying again.” Belle lowered her staff. “We don’t know when Saul will attack next. We have to get ahead of him. But with the existence of those soldiers and more rogues potentially within the Sect, the issue’s getting more complicated. Last night, I tried searching the flash drive Philip gave us, but it’s encrypted. Natalya might have an idea of what Saul’s plan is.”

“If she’d even tell me,” I said, touching my neck. “She seems more interested in playing games—‘Find the Keys to Maia’s Body,’ for one.”

I caught myself. Belle couldn’t help letting the displeasure show on her face whenever someone—anyone—said something negative about Natalya. It was understandable. Nobody would be cool with hearing someone crap on their hero. Even if there was a grain of truth to the smack.

Or a silo.

But truth and lies were dangerous, messy constructs, especially when they concerned Natalya. Even if this steel albatross around my neck stopped her from bleeding too heavily into my subconscious, I doubted it could keep her from leading me in the wrong direction.

“Look, I’m not crazy about having to go back in there, but since I’m your two-way radio, there’s nothing I can really do about it,” I said. “But, Belle, you’ll have to help me.”

Belle was about as easy to read as the Rosetta Stone. She said nothing as she stared back at me calmly, and I wondered, as I always did, which one of us she saw—the protégé or the mentor? But to her credit, over the past few weeks, Belle had legitimately tried to help me learn to scry properly, safely. She led our training, preparing us for the battles to come.

She was making an effort for us. For the team.

But when it came to scrying, the breathing techniques that worked for her didn’t necessarily work for me. Belle was naturally calm; of course the process was easier for her.

“Scrying still isn’t easy for me.” I rubbed my chest as I remembered the way Natalya’s mind had spread across mine like a virus, filling my body like too much air in a balloon. If I could get away with it, I’d never try to contact her again.

Belle thought for a moment. “There is a place we could go to.”

“A place?”

“Here in London. They might be able to help with the process.”

Suddenly, Chae Rin’s staff hit my back, sending me flying to the floor.

“Hey!” I spat, flipping onto my back to see her standing over me.

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