Raven lived in the projects and had even less money than me. She was a scrappy girl, used to fending for herself. Raven’s mom had been addicted to several types of drugs for many years and came and went from their tiny apartment at all hours. Raven was known as the go-to at our high school for any type of drug, including weed, ecstasy, you name it. She somehow had a pipeline to anything and everything.
Raven and Anna hated the Fun Bunch, but I thought if the three of us could break into their group, we could turn our entire high school experience around. Being in the popular group seemed like the only thing that mattered at the time.
For weeks, Raven refused to go to the party. As we were walking home after school on that Friday before Halloween, I tried one more time. Stopping at the corner where we turned our own ways, I practically begged her. Raven said no and accused me of being a sellout by sucking up to the Fun Bunch. I told her she was an asshole for not even trying. She told me to go fuck myself and stomped off. I tried to think of a strong retort, but the only thing that came out was “Well, you go fuck yourself too!” She flashed me a middle finger over her shoulder. I was hurt and angry but hardened my heart. I would go alone.
I worked really hard the next night to look like a cute kitten, hopeful of catching the eye of one of the Fun Bunch guys. Mom and my siblings weren’t around to help, and unlike so many of my peers, I didn’t have my driver’s license yet. Mom had been putting it off, citing the cost. I biked to the store and got supplies. Cheap black eyeliner from Walgreens went across my cheeks in long, thin lines to create cat whiskers, and I fashioned perky ears on a headband with pipe cleaners and cloth. Ihad on a white sweatshirt and a pair of white gloves that used to be my grandma’s. They were the one thing I was given when she passed.
I had to take the bus and walk the rest of the way to the party. The first person I saw upon arrival was Allison, also in a cat outfit but completely different from mine. Hers was jet-black, full-body, tight, and glittering with rhinestones. It came with a long, thick tail that Allison held in one hand and constantly swung around. Her hair was extra shiny, and she somehow had what looked like real whiskers glued to her face. A perfect black headband studded with more rhinestones sat on her head, pink cat ears rising in immaculate triangles. I overheard someone whisper that Allison’s parents had spent a fortune on the costume at the most expensive Halloween store in town.
After Kool-Aid-drinking and pot-smoking, someone suggested we all play Ghosts in the Graveyard, a game we knew from elementary school. For old times’ sake, they said, and the whole group of high and drunk teenagers spilled out onto Drake’s wide back lawn. It had wooded areas off to each side and sat nestled up against a lake.
We all laughed and chased one another around. It was fun, and I was actually enjoying myself and making a little headway with one of Drake’s friends, I thought, until Allison ran past.
“What a pathetic cat outfit, Jasmine.” She sneered with a cackle of laughter.
I felt a white-hot flash of anger, pure rage, mixed with humiliation.
Allison and I had never been friends. Not even close. She had looked down on me ever since about second grade for no reason I could tell other than our addresses.
She immediately turned her attention back to her friends.
“I’m an Allie-cat,” she called out, and people started yelling, “Hey, Allie-cat, meow!”
Embarrassed by my outfit, I ran to hide behind a tree that was off to the side, keeping an eye on her. Watching that long, thick tail run this way and that, hearing her annoying laughter, watching the boys trip over themselves to find her in the darkness.
And then, suddenly, she was running to hide in a spot behind a different tree near me, and Drake was following. They didn’t see me.
He tickled her; she giggled wildly. He pushed her against the tree and they started kissing—sloppy, disgusting kissing with heavy breathing. I crouched down, watching his hands running all over her.
“Drake, I’m a virgin…”
“Come on, Allie, tonight’s the night…”
Before I knew it, he was peeling off the catsuit, and to my surprise, she wasn’t protesting. He tossed the suit to the side, and it landed with a crunch on the dried leaves near me. I crouched farther back.
He was taking off his vampire cape and pulling his pants down. They resumed kissing, the perfect whiskers on her face starting to fall off, the headband tilting crazily to one side. He pushed her to the ground and forced her knees apart, and she said, “Drake, please be gentle.”
He didn’t reply. Allison made weird little noises like she was in pain. It didn’t seem all that gentle to me, but I was still a virgin too, and this was the first time I had seen actual sex take place.
Other kids were still running around all over the open backyard, laughing, and no one noticed what was happening in the dark by the trees. Drake gave a final grunt just as the buddy Ihad been flirting with yelled from the gigantic, wraparound back deck.
“Drake? Where are you, man? We’re going inside to do Jell-O shots!”
Drake jumped off Allison, pulled on his underwear and pants, grabbed his cape, and ran off without a word. She lay there naked and panting in the dark, her catsuit still away from her, crumpled on the leaves.
The backyard emptied as kids ran inside for the shots. Allison stayed still for a minute, catching her ragged breath, and then she turned her head to look for the suit. That’s when she saw me a few trees over. I think my white sweatshirt and gloves might have been illuminated by the moonlight.
“Jasmine? Is that you? Were youwatchingus?” She sat up and scrambled to cover herself with her hands while frantically reaching in the general direction of her costume, feeling in the dark.
I shook my head.
“You were, you crazy bitch.” Her right hand was covering her breasts as her left fumbled for the suit. “I’m going to tell everyone that you just sat there and watched us.” She paused and added, “We do it all the time, you know.”
I couldn’t help myself from firing back, “You said you were a virgin.”
“I didn’t say that. You’re a liar!”
And that’s when I snapped. I did. I can admit it. I think the fact that I already felt like I had lost Raven as a friend that night, that no one had helped me get ready when her parents spent a mountain of money on her, that I had to take the bus when she probably drove up in a Porsche, combined with Allison’s continued vitriol, pushed me over the edge. I grabbed for her catsuit before she did. I didn’t know what I would do withit. I think I planned just to run away so that she would have to be naked in the woods and somehow make her way back to the party, as ashamed as she had made me feel.