Page 30 of Unbroken Promises

“You’re wearing his jacket.” Theo’s voice is soft, but I can hear the hurt in his words. Guilty. Why do I feel fucking guilty for wearing my best friend’s jacket when I needed comfort because my boyfriend is a lying liar? As he pushes off the door frame, I can see the hesitation on his face before he takes a step, slowly, as if not to startle me.

Finn just looks over at his friend, and as he goes to pull away, I squeeze harder into his hand, not wanting to let go. Afraid for him to leave, for the conversation that I know needs to happen. Gazing over at me now, the corner of his lips pulling into a small smile, Finn just pats my hand before carefully extracting it from his own. Placing a soft kiss on the side of my head, he stands before giving me one last look, face unreadable. I watch as he turns on his heel and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with the love of my life. The only man with the power to ruin me.

“Finn told you where I was.” I don’t mean for the words to sound bitter, angry. But then, maybe I am. Bitter, I mean. And angry. Hurt.

“I was worried about you. You ran off and didn’t give me a chance to explain.” Taking another several steps into the room, Theo stops at the foot of the bed, rocking back on his heels as he shoves his hands into his hoodie pocket. I can see the uncertainty written in his features, and my heart aches, longing to tell him to hold me, that it will be okay. That we are okay. But I can’t give him that. Because he lied to me. For months. And right now, I’m not okay.

“You lied to me.” Might as well just get it over with. A soft groan escapes his lips, and I can’t tell if it is from frustration or longing. Perhaps both? “Youalllied to me.” And therein is the crux of the matter. It wasn’t that he killed my shitty, abusive ex. I know he did the only thing he could think of to protect me. They all did. And if the situation were reversed, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same. Because that is what you do for the person you love most in the world. You protect them even at the risk of destroying yourself in the process.

“We wanted to -”

“Don’t!” I snap. “Don’t you dare say that you did it to protect me. What you did to Brad, that was to protect me. What you did when you lied to me after the fact, when you covered it up? That was to protectyou.Because when it comes down to it, you didn’t trust me. You still don’t trust me.” Tears well in my eyes once more, and I angrily swipe at my face in a futile attempt to brush them away.

“Baby, no! Don’t say that! Of course I trust you. It has nothing to do with that.” At last, he moves forward, settling on the edge of the bed that Finn just vacated, facing me. I bristle at his nearness. If he moves closer, if he touches me, I don’t know if I can trust myself right now not to fall into his arms, to give in to his overprotective bullshit and just let him be in control.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Theo

Six Years Earlier

-Mid January-

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I look at my beautiful mess of a girl. She seems so fragile right now, like if I touch her, she will shatter into a million pieces. I did this to her. Danica Ellis is the strongest person I know, the pain she has endured, the challenges she has overcome are unimaginable, except I have seen it firsthand. I have watched her struggle through the mire, battered and bruised, and come out stronger on the other side. Even in her worst moments, even when she was so physically broken, she still had an inner strength that defied all odds. And now, here she is, so breakable. Barely holding herself together, because of me. If I could kick my own ass, I would.

Hesitant to touch her, but unable to bear the distance, I inch closer in microscopic increments. I try to speak, but the words freeze in my throat, lodged behind a wall of emotion. Swallowing, I try once more. “Idotrust you, il mio passerotto. But baby, there are parts of me, dirty things in my past that you don’t know about. There is a darkness. . . my soul is black, stained by blood on my hands that I can’t wash away. And baby, you? Danica, you are goodness. Light itself. And you shine your light on me and make me feel like maybe I can be good too, for you. But if I share this, if you saw the real me. . .” I can’t get out the words that I know need to be said.

Danica just shakes her head, staring at me silently as a lone tear slips down her cheek. Tentatively, I raise my hand, hesitating only for a moment before reaching out to brush the wet path it left behind with my thumb.

“How can we move forward if you won’t give me your past? If you can’t trust me to love even the worst parts of you as you have done for me? You have seen me at my worst, Theo. Every ugly thought and emotion. The rage, the anxiety, the panic, the self-loathing. You carried me through it and you pushed me to do better, tobebetter. I love you. I love every part of you, even the parts that you claim are too dark, too ugly. But I can’t be your partner if you won’t share your burdens with me.” A steely determination glints in her eyes, under the sheen of unshed tears. My girl, with ovaries of steel. But a tightness aches in my chest at her words, and I say nothing.

She sits there watching, waiting for a response that I am not ready to give. After a beat, she nods to herself.

“Okay, well. I can see that you need some time to think things through. Why don’t you call me when you are ready toactuallytalk to me?” And without another word, she pulls away from me. With jerky movements, hurt and frustration evident in every tense line of her body, she turns her back to me, facing the wall as she lays down on Finn’s bed and pulling the wrinkled covers up to her chin.

Not another word from her, just shaky breaths and I can see she is fighting back tears once more, even as she pulls up a wall, an impenetrable barrier around her, blocking me out. I don’t leave. I can’t. Instead, I just sit there, silently watching my girl. Desperate to fix what I didn’t mean to break but unable to cross the ocean of unspoken words that now divides us.

I’m not sure how long we stay like that. Her, trying her best to ignore me; me, trying my best to memorize every resolute, stubborn feature of my beautiful girl. Our foundation is cracking, and I know what she wants, what she needs. I just don’t know how to give it to her, not yet. My hands shake with frustration as I run them through my hair, pulling on the ends in agitation. It’s pitch black in the room now, the sun has long since set and the darkness matches the cold settling into my dark soul.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Danica

Present Day

“You’re coming home.”

I roll my eyes at Caleb’s overbearing statement, and through the small screen I watch as he grits his teeth.

“This isn’t funny, Smarty. You’ve got a fucking stalker following you around, leaving you notes-”

“Yeah, by definition, that’s kind of what stalkersdo.They stalk people, Caleb.”

Ignoring my interruption, he just plows ahead. “And now they are vandalizing your business. On top of that, Theo is back in the picture too? You are coming home right fucking now. I’m not joking. I will send the jet and arrange for Jay or Finn to bring you to the airstrip. Get your ass on that plane and comehome.” I can see the tension radiating off my brother, frustration that he is on the other side of the country, at his lack of control. If there is one annoying trait my brother just had to have learned from our parents, it’s his overbearing manner and need for control.

Taking a deep breath, I count backwards from ten in my head like Dr. Sandsworth taught me. Patience. Acceptance. My brother loves me. He doesn’t understand what being back in that place does to me, not really. He never saw the worst of it, he saw me battered and bruised, but that was not what broke me. Caleb never saw me have to endure the night terrors and cold sweats, the crippling panic attacks. Theo was always the one who held me through the night, who wiped awaymy tears; the one who calmed my fears with a simple touch or whispered soothing words until I could still my racing heart. It took months before I was able to find any semblance of peace.

Even with Theo by my side, with Mrs. Giovanni talking to me about her own past trauma, with Bash and Finn and Caleb’s support. Finding a way forward, clawing my way out of the empty void that Bradley and my own father’s betrayal left in me? Well, let’s just say that in order to truly find a new “normal” I had to fully remove myself from my past. I wasn’t able to truly breathe again until I moved to Oregon for school, started making new friends and creating a new life for myself. So no, that place is not my home. And I honestly don’t know if I will ever be able to go back.

---