Page 66 of The Road Sometimes Taken

He who-shall-not-be named: I heard you’re moving back. You don’t have to worry about us being here, we’re moving out of Baker. Happy at last.

The day she sang that song at karaoke. The day she looked so sad and her voice sounded so broken as if her light was being dimmed by something. I attributed it to finishing the school year but now, reading this, maybe I had it wrong all along. Or maybe it was a combination of both.

June 7

He who-shall-not-be named: I don’t know if anyone told you but I’m going to the wedding with Tasha. I figured you knew but didn’t want you to show up alone and then be miserable when everyone else has a partner. Maybe you should avoid the heartache and not go.

Jesus.This was the day we kissed and then she spiraled and told me to forget about it.Damn it, Manny. You stupid idiot.Of course she was feeling all types of ways. She probably spent the day thinking about this. No wonder she was drinkingso much and overall flighty. She was overcompensating and I made it somehow worse.

Today

He who-shall-not-be named: Manuel Zabana, Cara? Are you a cougar now? Actually he might be perfect for you, the two of you will have fun and then he’ll trade you for his next flavor of the week while you try to find your next man to trap. Congrats, you finally picked right

I’m going to kill him.“Where the fuck is he?” I snarl, standing up ready to find him and kill him.

“Stop.” Cara grabs my arm, stopping me from doing what I was trying to do. “Sit down,” she says, this time with firmness in her tone, so I listen and do as she asks. “It’s not worth it, Manny, and I don’t want to ruin Alex’s wedding. I want to keep dancing until the wedding is over and then you can help me forget he’s an ass later. We’ve avoided them all night, let’s not change that now.”

“I have no problem erasing every single memory of him out of your mind, bebé, but someone needs to put him in his place. He’s acting like a bitch ass boy, not a man. And why the hell has been texting you all this time and why, Cara, why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I’m a damn masochist, Manny. Clearly. But you know what? I blocked his number now and Allie said that they moved from Baker this past week, so this will hopefully be the last time I see both of them. His parents don’t live in Baker anymore, and Tasha—well I really don’t care about her. You asked me to show you and now I did, so please drop it.”

“Cara.” I wait and give her a few moments, not dropping her gaze so she can see I’m notbacking down. I know she needs me to listen to her and to be calm but I can’t. Not when I can see how much he’s still trying to mess with her head.

“Please drop it. You said you love my voice and hearing me talk; now I want you to listen to what I’m saying too. I know you hear me, but can you listen?”

If there’s something I learned at a young age it’s how to do exactly that: listen. And I do, loud and clear. I know her choices were never respected before and I want to do that. I want to respect everything. Every boundary and every limit.

So I say, “Okay.” Maybe she doesn’t need saving from him, just listening ears and a hand to hold, and I can be both even if I can see her physically getting ill over this whole situation.

“I’m going to run to the potty real quick and then I’ll be back and we can finish dancing, okay?” she asks, standing up and squeezing my shoulder. When I nod, she smiles at me and walks away disappearing behind the narrow hallway that leads to the bathroom. I hit my fist on the table and shake my head. I know she’s not okay, I know it. How does one balance in the line between respecting her wishes and protecting her? How do I show her that I would kill for her if I have to but that I also respect her wishes, no matter how bad I want to do the opposite?

33

GOLD & GLITTER

FLOWERS, LAUREN SPENCER SMITH & LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME, SELENA GOMEZ

Cara

You’re not enough.I hear him deep down as I rush to the bathroom to try to drown out the noise. The last thing I need is to cry in public so I had to walk away from Manny before he could see beyond the strong front I’m putting on.

You’re just a teacher. I make more than you in a day. You’re only good for a good time.

I run my hands under the cold water until my fingers go numb and then move the handle to as hot as it’ll go. The bathroom is empty so at least I don’t have to share this moment with anyone else.

Why would anyone like to do that, Cara? Are you fifteen, Cara? Why don’t you drink wine like an adult?

The water goes hot and as I see my fingertips get red, I can hear him again, shaking me to my core.

Eat a vegetable Cara. Can you be quiet for a minute? You’re going to make us crash with your stupid nonsense, Cara. I don’thave time for that. Nobody likes to go down on women, get out of your romance books. Life is not a romance book. When will you grow up?

Stop.

Stop.

Stop!

Stop!

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