Page 60 of The Road Sometimes Taken

“It doesn’t matter how long ago, if it’s still bothering you should talk about it. Even if not with me. When you let things cook inside of you, they might eat you alive. Sometimes you just need to let them out.”

She kicks her feet under her softly, barely touching the ground. “Just like you share so much about yourself?” she asks, and when I flinch she sits up straight and apologizes. “That was unfair and mean, I’m so sorry. I’m just so tired. So tired of feeling too much ofbeingtoo much.” She brings her hands to her face as she shakes it softly and lets out a small grunt. She’s frustrated and I hate that I can’t ease her mind. I hate that I haven’t been able to show her how much of me I’ve already shared with her and how much more I wish I could share for longer.

“You are not too much. If there’s anything I say you hear, let it be that. You’re perfect.” I bring my hand up to caress her cheek tenderly but instead of leaning into my touch, she pulls away.

“It’s just because you and I, whatever this is, is new and exciting, and hot. So freaking hot,” she adds, with a smile on her face before looking somber again. “But eventually you’ll find out all I’m good for is a short and fun time, not a long time.”

I lift her chin to look at me. “Why on earth do you think you’re only good for a short time? I don’t know where you’d get that from but have you seen your friendships? You’ve had thesame group of best friends your whole life. You’re so loyal, Cara, fun and funny too which are two completely different things, and fuck, bebé anyone would be so lucky for you to give them any time, even if for a little while. I’m so lucky about this time you’ve givenme. Your time is a gift, not the other way around.”

“Then why couldn’t he love me, Manny?” she asks, immediately covering her face and dropping it back to her lap.

“Cara, come here,” I say, trying to pull her by her hands onto my lap. Trying to soothe her the only way I know how. She fights it at first but then she lets me pick her up and I manage to sit her on my lap. Her head rests on my chest as I rake my fingers through her soft hair.

“No, it’s okay. I’m a damn mess over a man. A man I don’t even love anymore but, like, if he couldn’t love me after giving him twelve years of my life, then who could ever?”

I can. I do,I think but I don’t say out loud. “He’s an idiot. Anyone who doesn’t see how incredible you are or how lucky they were that you even gave them the time of day is an idiot. He doesn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve you then and surely doesn’t deserve you now. Not your laughter, not your thoughts, not your time, not your tears.” I kiss the top of her head but leave my lips on it before she sits up and looks at me kindly.

“It’s just so hard to look past it, you know? I still don’t understand why I thought begging him to love me was what I needed. And you know, after talking to my therapist I definitely see he wasn’t good for me, but how do you shut up the little voice in your head? The one that says that maybe if I drank champagne instead of sprite with grenadine or maybe if I didn’t drive the stupid Barbie van, maybe he would’ve taken me seriously?”I’m going to kill him.The more I hear about this douche, the more I want to smack him in the face.

“If someone can’t see all those little things as what makes you unique and freaking adorable, they truly don’t deserve you, Cara. Your friends, your sister, your parents, they all love you so loud. Hell, you tell my sister all the time to never settle for less, and to fuck all the people who think otherwise, right?” I ask, waiting for her reply, and when she nods I continue, “Then why do you think you don’t deserve the same? You don’t think you deserve better than a jerk who couldn’t appreciate everything you are? Barbie van, Dirty Shirleys, jumping deer, and all?”

Her breath catches in her throat before she wipes her eyes. She takes a long, slow breath, and I can feel her shoulders sag, like a weight just lifted off. Then, without saying a word, she leans her head against my shoulder. Her fingers twist into the fabric of my shirt, seeking something solid.

“He’s an idiot, isn’t he?” she whispers.

“The biggest idiot.” My arm instinctively pulls her closer to my chest in a tight squeeze. “You deserve to be loved, Cara. All of you. I'm sorry he couldn’t see that.”

She doesn’t say anything at first. Just breathes, her hand still gripping my shirt as though she’s afraid to let go. A small, almost imperceptible laugh escapes her. “Thanks, Manny.” Her voice softens, the sadness still there but wrapped in a hint of something lighter. “Maybe I shouldn’t be paying my therapist. I should just pay you instead?”

I grin, the corners of my mouth pulling up. “Nah, that’s her job. I’m just here for the important stuff. Moral support and... kisses, you know. Top-tier package deal.”

Her laugh breaks through, quiet but real, and for a moment, the weight of it all seems a little lighter.

She laughs loudly, coming from her belly this time, deep within her emotions and it’s the most beautiful sound. “You like kissing me, huh?”

“I do, and I would very much like to kiss you right now so let me know when you’re ready,” I add, squeezing her leg.

“You can kiss me anytime, Manuel Zabana,” she replies.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Cara.” I hold her gaze, letting her see the full meaning of my words. I let her see that I want her to mean it. I want her to let me kiss her, touch her, and worship her anytime. She deserves to be front and center all the time.

“I mean it.” She smiles softly and I know she does mean it. Even if she means it likenow, on this trip, there’s a part of me that truly wishes she meant any time forever.

I hold the back of her neck, threading my fingers through her hair and pulling her to me to kiss her tenderly on her lips. Not the hungry way I’ve kissed before—ready for more. I want to take my time with this kiss. I want to savor it and love this moment forever. I want to imagine this is a never-ending kiss and that all our worries will disappear. I want to think that with every kiss I give her, I take a little longer in the hopes that it never ends. In the hopes that this, this between us never does.

We break our kiss and rest our foreheads together. I whisper against her lips, “Can I show you what we came here for?”

“What is it?” Cara asks and I pull her up by her hands, walking toward the platform where a little bird is waiting for us to let her fly.

30

THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE

WILDEST DREAMS (TAYLOR’S VERSION), TAYLOR SWIFT

Cara

A helicopter.A damn helicopter ride. I know money doesn’t buy happiness or whatever but this little ride is making me extremely happy. I can’t believe how this man takes things he’s known about me for years and just makes them happen. I used to be obsessed with helicopters and little planes, the total contrast to Allie. She hates flying, I wish all I could do was fly. I used to dream about going on helicopter rides all my childhood and when I was eighteen, that was part of my parents’ graduation gift. I’ve been wanting to do it again and now, Manny just made it happen.

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