Page 32 of The Road Sometimes Taken

I look up and see Cara picking everything up because the sky just went from gray to almost black and the rain could start any moment. “We will provide you with a comprehensive plan and timeline by the end of the week. Your trust is important to us, and we’re doing everything we can to restore it,” I say, and he hangs up.Maldito hijo del que lo parió?1.

I rush to help Cara with everything. “Here, here, I’m sorry—let me help you.” I grab the bag from her hands and run with her to the van. The rain starts to fall, cold and wet on my cheeks as we run. I usually hate rain. People don’t know how to drive, making it impossible to get anywhere in a decent amount of time. My sister had a weird crash last year on arainy day and that doesn’t help either. It also reminds me of how sad life can be. As if the planet gets it too and it gives us rain so we can remember her tears. After I open the back door and we put everything in, I turn to hear giggles from Cara. She’s run back out to the middle of the grassy area and is spinning in circles, letting the rain fall on her.

I lean against the van, my gaze fixed on this ray of sunshine personified as she twirls and laughs, sticking her tongue out and letting the rain soak her. There’s thunder rumbling in the distance but nothing seems to be phasing Cara in this moment. Her laughter rings out like the sweetest melody mixed with the rhythm of the now-heavy rain. The flowy dress she’s wearing is clinging to her body, showing off her soft curves and her hard nipples peeking through the light fabric. But my eyes focus on something else . I focus on the bright smile she wears as she dances and moves in the rain. There’s nobody here but us, the dark sky, and the rain but she makes it seem like the world is her stage and we all just exist to watch her. Like the rain is falling just so she can dance in it. As if the sky is darker so she can shine even brighter. She’s the sun, we’re in her orbit, and the entire planet knows it.

“Manny! Come dance with me!” she calls out, her voice bright and cheery despite the downpour.

“It’s pouring, Cara!” I shout, my heart racing both with the anticipation at what she might do and with the sight of her carefree self enjoying this moment instead of hiding from it. The rain keeps getting more intense and her laughter gets louder.

“Don’t be a chicken, Manny! Come on,” she yells, stopping her twirls and facing me. When she sees me shaking my head, her face lights up and she starts running toward me. I’m still mostly dry considering I’m standing under the giant tree we parked under. But that doesn’t stop her from throwing herselfat me. Cara wraps me up in her arms with her soaking wet body and not a care in the world.

I tense under her cold wet touch as she continues, “It’s just rain, Manny. Just a little rain. When was the last time you danced in the rain?” She pulls me by my hands but without moving me.Never,I want to say, but I don’t because is that really what she needs to hear? I almost say no and run inside the van to hide from it all but then I notice the bracelet and remember her words.These always remind me to take a breath and slow down.The pink bracelet wrapped around my wrist makes me stop and wonder: do Iwantto hide from this moment or have I been wired to think that? Have I been wired to think that rain is bad and that dancing under it is childish and annoying?

“It’ll be fun, I promise!” she calls over the rain, her eyes sparkling with joy and invitation. It’s impossible saying no to her so I push myself off the van and run with her.

The rain intensifies and now that we’re in the middle of the clearing, Cara stands in front of me and smiles. She opens up her arms, letting her head fall backward and closes her eyes.

“Have you ever felt this free, Manny?” She grabs my hands and twirls under my arm, dancing with me as I stand still. The cold water splashes on and around us, creating a pattern that’s music to her ears judging by the way her body moves.

“No, Cara, I haven’t,” I confess and she stands still for the first time in the past ten minutes, looking me in the eyes and letting out a deep breath. She adjusts her dress and I try my best not to look down, knowing how little her dress covers now that’s see-through.

“Then dance with me,” she whispers, moving a piece of hair away from her face.

I grab her hand and pull her toward me, close enough to touch. I bring my hands to her lower back and her palms landon my chest, resting carefully there, like there’s no turmoil happening under her touch.

My heart is pounding in my chest so hard I’m afraid it will come out. Cara looks up, her green eyes gazing into mine, and her lips part slightly as we sway with the percussion of the rain on the ground. I lower my gaze to her lips as she licks the rain off of them, like she knows I’m dying to kiss her and to find out what the rain tastes like on her skin. My eyes linger there, wondering if her lips are as soft as her hands or if they’re as warm as her heart. I wonder for a second, then two, then three.

The energy in the air is electric and I wonder if it’s from the storm or whatever is pulling me to her. We keep swaying under the water, falling into movement with each other matching the rhythm of the rain. I lift my hand, tracing up her back and her arm slowly. Goosebumps form on her skin from my touch. I reach for her hand and intertwine her fingers with mine. We don’t say anything, but our gazes never falter.

Cara lifts to her tiptoes and lifts her face closer to mine. A small movement but enough for me to notice it. Enough for me to wonder what she’s doing. She tilts her face and now her lips are close to mine. I may not understand what’s happening between us on this trip, but I know whatthisis.Lust.

She’s feeling all the energy around us, and the rain touching every inch of her skin is causing sensations that her brain is always craving. Her brain is seeking more. Hence why she’s trying to kiss me. And if it was anybody else, I would take the opportunity and taste her lips. Andthatwould lead to me tasting her skin and every inch of her body. Eager to learn what makes her scream, bit by bit. But this is not just a random hook-up or a girl I won’t ever see again. This is Allie’s best friend and as much as I would like to, I can’t.

I turn my face, dropping my hands from holding her bodyand feeling the emptiness under my fingers immediately. I grab her shoulders instead and whisper, “Cara, we can’t.”

I see the panic on her face but I don’t get time to say anything before she exclaims, “Oh my God! I’m so sorry, Manny, please ignore me.” Cara slips out from my hold and leaves me wet and cold as she runs toward the bus. She climbs in the back and shuts the door, closing the privacy curtains and leaving me out here. I’m sure she’s changing so I don’t want to interrupt her but I also don’t want to just leave her like that.

“Cara!” I shout as I pound on the door, hoping she’s not completely overthinking things in there but knowing damn well she is.

A few minutes pass before Cara opens the door. She’s wearing an oversized shirt now and her hair is wrapped in a towel. “Come in, come in, quick!” she shouts.

I step in, trying not to soak the floor or her cute decorations. There’s not enough space for both of us to change clothes without crowding each other but the storm is picking up and I’m thankful she let me in.

“Cara,” I say, my voice low and deep.

“Manny, don't worry about it. I got carried away. Just get dressed.” She climbs into the front seat and turns around, giving me privacy.

After I change into dry joggers and a different shirt, I sit on the bench behind the front seat and ask, “Cara, can we talk, please?” The rain intensifies outside and the loud taps on the roof of the van makes it sound even louder. Like Mother Nature is screaming and she wants us all to listen. Lightning flashes, illuminating the dark sky followed by a loud rumble of thunder in the distance.

“Manny,” she whispers, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Please, just let it go, okay? I said I got carried away. You said you loved to hear me talk but that you would respect me ifI didn’t want to. I don’t want to. So, let’s just go wherever we’re going next.”

I hear the regret in her voice and I just want to hug her and tell her that it’s okay and the reason why I couldn’t kiss her. But she’s asking me to drop it and I will respect that. I can pretend like nothing was happening between us—try to forget I wanted to kiss her too.

Stop 7:Jackson Lake State Park

“How far doyou want to drive today?”

Cara is currently wrapped in a blanket on the front seat, scrolling on her phone. The rain has not let up so I’m driving slower to try to keep us safe. Far too many people die every year on highways in car accidents and I like to avoid them as much as possible.

---