He strums out the first bars of our first song and I close my eyes picturing myself in the practice room alone with Dax.
After a false start I manage to squeak out the first lines gaining confidence as I go. I leave my eyes closed and make it through our first song.
A smattering of polite applause breaks through my concentration and I make the mistake of opening my eyes to see that a crowd has gathered in the small cafe.
Dax plays the beginning of our second song, but my breath is coming in quick pants and nausea is twisting my stomach.
I glance around wildly. I can’t breathe in here. It’s too crowded. Dax’s touch on my arm has me whipping my head around, but it doesn’t calm me. He starts singing in my stead and an acidic burn rises to the back of my throat.
When the room starts to close in on me, I run.
I make it outside before I lose the contents of my stomach. I lean against the brick wall of the UC a sweaty shaky mess and drag my arm across my mouth.
I don’t know how long I’m standing there before Dax makes it out to me.
“I’m sorry. You should find a new partner. I can’t do this.” My voice comes out with a tremulous quaver.
“Abby. I’m not finding a new partner. It’s too late for that anyway.”
“Maybe they’ll let you do it alone then. I can’t do it and I won’t drag you down with me.”
“They’re not going to let me do it alone. That’s not how it works. You have to do it. I know you can, you just need to get out of your own way. You sang a whole song before you lost it. You can do it.”
I did sing an entire song. He’s right, but then I opened my eyes. Then I heard the crowd and saw them and I lost it. I don’t know what to do. The showcase is only a month away and I can’t let Dax down. That’s not an option.
“Okay. I’ll….I’ll try.” I’ll try something. Anything.
“I’m going to go back in there and finish our set. You go home and relax. We’ll figure this out.” He’s saying the right words, but I can see the doubt shadowing his face. He’s worried and he has every right to be. This competition is just as important to him as it is to me, and I’m not pulling my weight. I’m going to let down one of my best friends in the world, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Chapter 32
Sebastian
I’vebeenwalkingarickety rope bridge across a canyon all weekend, waiting for the bottom to drop out on me. We won our Friday game against state, but lost the Saturday one. Abby hasn’t been returning my messages and now I’m on my way to the house my mom lives in now. Fear and anxiety has been riding me all day. I hope Lawrence is in a good mood today, and I can get in and out with a minimum of fuss.
The tension in my shoulders ratchets up as I pass through the wrought iron gates and travel at a snail’s pace up the long driveway to the excessively large white house. The perfectly manicured hedges and landscaped walkways reflect my stepfather’s need to control every aspect of his life. Including all the people in it.
I grew up in a nice home. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was a home. The only thing separating this from a museum is the lack of velvet ropes blocking off the pristine furniture. I ring the doorbell like the guest that I am, glad to see my sister’s brown curls as the big black door swings open. She gives me a smile, but it’s small and tense which is more than enough of a clue as to what kind of a day it’s been here.
I wrap my arms around her in a fierce hug, and she lets out a squeal as I spin her around. I wish like hell I was in a position to take her away from this place, away from him. Now. Next year I have to keep reminding myself. The team is having a good year, the knee is holding up well. Next year, I’ll get her out of here.
“Sebby, I’ve missed you.” She keeps her voice soft, but the words are warm. She’s the only one that’s allowed to call me that.
“Missed you too, Bit. You need to come for a visit. You can get a tour of Lakeview. It’s a good school. Great drama program.”
A soft sigh escapes her. “I know, but you’ll be gone by then. I wanna go to LA, where the action’s at.”
She’s right. I will be gone from here, and who knows where I’ll end up. New York was showing a lot of interest Junior year, but after the injury, they put me on the backburner. I’ll be a free agent after I graduate, so I could end up anywhere, if I get a contract at all.
I leave my shoes at the door and we walk on silent feet across the rich, dark hardwood floors to meet Mom and Lawrence in the great room, as he likes to call it, pretentious asshole that he is.
“What’s all this racket?” My stepfather’s booming voice announces his presence before he makes it down the long hallway.
My face hardens to match his. He looks the same as always. Crisp and hard. From the sharply creased black dress pants to the button up shirt complete with tie, and dark hair smoothed back in a wall street look more suited to the office than a weekend dinner with your family. Of course this is casual for him.
Ari slips back into her shell. “Sorry, Lawrence.”
“It’s fine, Ariana. I know it wasn’t your fault.” The dark look he shoots me tells me exactly who he holds responsible for the “noise.”