Page 88 of Gin & Sin

“I am.” I sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing his hands in mine. “I’m sorry it took me a minute to figure it out, but I’ve never felt like this before. I didn’t know what to call it, and I was worried about so many things.”

“Like what?”

“Like being selfish and not letting you spread your wings. I thought maybe you might want to see who else is out there, but I couldn’t let you do that without you at least knowing that I don’t want to let you go.”

He just stares at me with his mouth gaping open.

“I see you, Stewart, for all that you are. You’re smart and funny and thoughtful. You’re incredibly sexy and addictively sweet. I think I was a goner the night we met, it just took me a second to realize it.”

His cheeks burn red, and as his chest heaves, I’m worried he’s going to tell me that’s not at all what he wants. Did I get it wrong?

“I can be good for you, Stewart. We’re gonna hire more people so I can spend more evenings at home with you, and anything you want?—”

“Stop, Kit.” He huffs a laugh, removing his glasses. “You don’t have to sell yourself to me. You convinced me a long time ago.”

I squeeze his hand. “What does that mean?”

“I’ve spent the day working up the courage to tell you that I’ve fallen for you too. I don’t want to spread my wings or see who else is out there because I can’t see anyone but you. I didn’t think…” He clears his throat. “God, Kit. I didn’t anticipateanything like this happening for me. I didn’t even spend time imagining it. I’ve been trying to convince myself the whole time that you’re just a nice guy who weirdly enjoys spending time with me.”

“Stewart…”

He holds up his hand to stop me. “But I see it now. All the sweet things you did and said weren’t just you being nice. You liked me.”

“A lot.”

He nods, lacing our fingers together. “I realized today that the only chance I had at keeping this was telling you how much I wanted to. It’s not casual for me. I’m not sure it ever was.”

“It never could’ve been, gorgeous. I was immediately sucked into your orbit and I love it here. I was blind to it because it was unfamiliar, but what I’ve always known is that I crave being around you. I think about kissing you and holding you close, and the way your body feels tucked up against mine. I left work because the realization was like a tidal wave. My friends told me it was love, and I was coming around, but tonight…” I pause, shaking my head. “There was no denying it.”

“Did something happen?”

A puff of laughter bubbles up. “I got jealous and protective. These college dudes were drinking and talking about you.”

“About me?”

I nod. “Yeah. They noticed how good you’ve been looking lately. One of them is really into you. They started talking about what your dick is like and how he wanted to find out.”

“Oh god,” Stewart groans. “Please don’t tell me who they are.”

“I don’t know their names. I do know I wanted to punch them out and tell them not to talk about you like that. I wanted to beat my chest and claim you, tell them I was your man, and eventhough I would never tell anyone, I wanted to tell them your body is a paradise and I’m the lucky one who gets to visit it.”

Stewart’s eyes turn glossy as he scoots forward. “You wanted to defend me?”

“The only thing that stopped me was not wanting to embarrass you and tell your business. Indy saw me losing my shit and told me to leave.”

“I’m sorry I messed up your work night.”

“Babe, please. You didn’t mess it up. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. I can be the man you need. I can be thepartneryou need. I might screw up sometimes because I’ve never done this before, but I’ll try so hard to make you happy. I’ll do what it takes.”

“Kit, you beautiful man. You’re already doing it. Why do you think it was so easy to fall?”

Grinning, I reach out and gently tug his beard. “You’re in love with me?”

“I’m so in love with you. And now I know what it feels like when it’s whole. It’s not just friendly affection and shared goals. It’s… intense attraction and affection and intimacy. It’s shared values and envisioning a future beyond what I ever could have before. It’s knowing who I am and what I have to offer and being accepted completely. It’s truth.” He smiles as a tear slides down his cheek. “It’s incredible.”

“It is.” I brush away his tears with my thumb. “I was supposed to be all your firsts, but you turned out to be my first too.”

“Not bad. As Theo would say, I snagged a baddie my first time.”

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