Page 61 of Gin & Sin

“Oh god,” I mumble with his cock still in my mouth. “Want…mouthful…please.”

Kit grins, bucking his hips to the point that my jaw hurts and saliva runs down my chin. I don’t care. I’m in fucking heaven with my fingers inside him and his dick in my mouth. The salty taste of his precum floods my taste buds just before he tenses and explodes, shouting my name as his cock thickens and pulses in my mouth.

“Fuuuck,” he moans, shivering with aftershocks.

I keep my mouth locked on him through all of it, swallowing gulps of thick, warm cum. My eyes water with a mixture of emotion and effort, and as he comes down from the high he was on, I lay my head on his thigh, unwilling to let his cock leave my mouth.

We lie like that for several minutes, his breathing calming to me. I did that to him. I brought him that kind of pleasure.

A well of emotion rises in me, tightening my throat and threatening to spill over until I can’t hold it back anymore. Fuck. I don’t want him to see me lose it like this, but I can’t prevent it.

“Hey,” he whispers. “Stewart. Are you okay?”

Nodding, I keep my face pressed to his thigh even as the tears flow. My fingers are still inside him, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Babe. Look at me.”

“No thanks.”

He slides his hands under my arms, pulling me up to him effortlessly and forcing me to look at him. I try to avert my eyes, but Kit isn’t having it.

“Tell me this is happy emotion you’re feeling.”

Wiping at my eyes, I nod. “Sorry. I don’t know where it’s coming from. I just…” I shake my head, struggling to find the right words.

“Talk to me.” Kit sits up, cupping my face. “Let me help you through this.”

I force myself to meet his concerned gaze, and I’m glad I did. There’s nothing judgmental or disgusted or turned-off in his eyes.

“That experience was very…affirming for me. Yeah, that’s the word. I’ve struggled for so long to understand and accept my sexuality, and all the times I imagined what being with a man would be like didn’t come close to the reality of it.”

He nods, offering a supportive smile.

“I never understood why some people were so focused on sex. Especially men. Friends I’ve had said things over the years. I remember being so excited to finally lose my virginity. I thought it was going to be this amazing new world, and it was…nice. It was awkward and sweet, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought it was because I didn’t know what I was doing yet. Then I convinced myself other people were just exaggerating or bragging. Then I told myself love made it better.”

Kit rubs my arm.

“Then I meet you and…” I pause, biting my bottom lip as I process my thoughts. Is this gonna be too much for him to hear? “Fuck.”

“Talk to me. I can handle it.”

I wipe at my eyes again before scratching the scruff on my cheeks. “I finally understand. That, all of this between us, has been what I expected sex to be like all those years ago. It’s exciting and urgent and incredible to make someone else… The way you sound, and the way you feel…” I shake my head. “With your cock in my mouth and my fingers inside of you, you saying such amazing things because I was making you feel good…”

He nods. “Yeah?”

“I felt more like myself than I ever have before. There’s been this massive disconnect my whole life, from my teenage yearsto now. I was missing part of who I am, and I’m meeting that person for the first time. It’s overwhelming and incredible and about damn time.”

Kit lifts my hand, kissing the back of it. “I’m happy for you and fucking honored to be part of it.”

“I’ve never experienced a flood of emotions like this after sex. I didn’t mean to make it all heavy.”

“Hey.” He cups my chin. “You didn’t. This is beautiful.You’rebeautiful, Stewart. Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“It was an experience for me too. It’s been a long-ass time since I’ve given myself over so completely. I’ve missed being open and exploring pleasure so deeply. I didn’t hold back because I wanted you to have everything you wanted. You were amazing.”

I bask in his praise, feeling my cheeks warm. “I felt powerful.”

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