Page 54 of Gin & Sin

He laughs softly. “Fair, but there’s a lot of people out there who don’t.”

“I suppose.”

“If you had been one of my professors, I totally would’ve put the moves on you. Nineteen years old and all. I would’ve failed your class because I’d spend it imagining you bent over your desk with me eating your ass or sucking your dick while you delivered a lecture.”

My stomach flutters. “Damn.”

“I would have begged you to let me touch you. Kiss you.” He sets his mug down then takes mine from me and does the same. He spreads my knees apart with his hands, moving closer to me. “I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate. You would ask me to stay after class to talk to me about my grades, which would be all I wanted. Your undivided attention, all on me.”

“Kit.”

“You’d talk about assignments and theories and academic things that mattered deeply to you, and I’d be imagining your cock in my mouth.”

Heat spreads through me and my cock jumps with interest. “I thought we were talking.”

“Oh, we’re talking, gorgeous.” Kit runs his hands up and down my thighs. “But I’m glad I didn’t meet you when I was nineteen. You don’t deserve the kind of guy I was then.”

Searching his eyes, I let the words on my mind flow out. “Do I deserve the kind of man you are now?”

He smiles, nodding. “I think so, because what you deserve is feeling free to explore everything you are and everything you want to be, and I can help. I can give you that space to try it all.”

“Pretty amazing.”

Kit lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “Tell me something else about you. Something that’s not about your work or your sexuality or your romantic past. Something you want me to know.”

His question causes a flutter of emotions in me, and I can feel my cheeks betraying me and revealing my embarrassment.

“Safe space,” Kit says. “Remember that.”

I nod, blowing out a breath. “When I accepted that my marriage was over and I would have to rewrite my future, I realized that my biggest fear is spending the rest of my life alone. My marriage was flawed but it was steady and reliable. I didn’t have a backup plan, and I still don’t. I know that probably sounds pathetic to a guy like you, but?—”

“No, Stewart. It doesn’t. I just flipped my life upside down, remember? What does that look like to you now? Marriage again?”

I hear the hesitation in his voice, like maybe he’s afraid of what I’ll say. Does he think I’m gonna turn into a clingy mess? I would rather chew off my foot than give Kit that impression of me.

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “I’m trying to let life unfold the way it’s going to without worrying about it.”

“Good plan.” Kit plays with my fingers, holding my gaze. “Thank you for telling me all that.”

“Sure.”

“For the record, I still like you. I respect you too.”

“Thank you, Kit.”

He nods, lowering his head for a moment. When he looks up again, there’s a red flush across his neck and upper chest.

“Are you okay?”

Kit smiles. “Yeah. I want to tell you something I’ve never told anyone. Not even the guys. But…” He pauses, exhaling slowly as he shrugs. “It’s one of those things, you know? Those things people say that land and find a home inside you even though you want to evict them.”

“I do. You can tell me.”

“I know.” He laughs softly. “It’s wild, but IknowI can tell you.” Kit brushes his fingers across my cheek then down my neck. “Vulnerability isn’t my best strength, and I’ve never aspired to it, but sometimes I get tired. You’re the first person in over a decade who reminds me that I’m human and flawed and sometimes…hurt.”

I nod, rubbing his thigh. “I’m here for you.”

Kit gazes into my eyes as he seems to resign himself to whatever it is he’s about to tell me.

---