Page 46 of Gin & Sin

“Then what were you thinking?”

“Maybe that…” I shake my head, extricating myself from his embrace. Showing him all my vulnerabilities and hang-ups is a surefire way to scare him off.

“Come on, Stewart. Talk to me.”

Focusing on his face, his warm smile and kind eyes, draws the words straight past my defenses. “Maybe you’ll think I’m boring if you get to know me more.”

Kit’s brow furrows. “Why would you say something like that?”

I shrug, leaning against the wall behind me. “I’m a professor. My life consists of academia and not much else. I spend my private time reading books or going to museums if I feel like getting out. My ex told me…” I swallow down the harsh words, but Kit doesn’t let it go, stepping forward and grabbing my hand.

“Told you what?”

“I’d rather not tell you. Might ruin your current positive view of me.”

He nods, twisting his lips for a second. “A guy I dated for three months told me that all I had to offer the human race was a big dick and a nice enough face. He said my personality was about as exciting as a root canal.”

I pull back. “Damn.”

“The girlfriend I had in college told me I was lucky my face card would get me through life because my intelligence wouldn’t.”

“Oh my god.”

“And then there was the guy who said he could get better dick from a catalog order. He said I was selfish. He was right, honestly. Back then I only cared about my own nut. So if you’re worried I’ll think less of you because of what someone else said, you’re wrong.”

“Thanks for telling me that stuff. It helps.”

“Sure. What did your ex say?”

“That I could bore a dead person.”

He scrunches his face. “Damn.”

“Towards the end, she said having sex with me felt like more of a chore than something pleasurable. I guess I was phoning it in after a while.”

“It sounds like you guys fell out of love. It happens.”

“I know, but I would’ve never said anything cruel to her. She wanted to hurt me, and she did.”

“That says a lot about you as a person. You didn’t retaliate out of pain, right?”

I shake my head. “I took her abuse because I knew that’s how she handles things, but I guess…” I blow out a breath. “Maybe I believed it.”

“So what you’re saying is you need a new belief. Maybe spending a few days snowed in with a guy who thinks you’re—” His grin grows. “—exciting. Delicious. Sexy. Maybe that would help.”

“You’re kind of too good to be true.”

“I’m just a man. I believed it too for a long time, the things people said. But I learned something along the way.”

“What’s that?”

“If we can believe something someone else said, then we can believe something new. I decided to listen to my friends, my bosses, my positive relationships with people. I looked for proof that I wasn’t stupid or just a pretty face, instead of looking for proof of the opposite. Why not try believing me?”

My stomach does a flip that heats my body and brings a genuine smile to my face. “I think I’ll try that.”

“Good.” He closes in on me, nuzzling his nose into my neck and pressing me against the wall.

I want to believe Kit and enjoy every minute of this for as long as it lasts.

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