Page 81 of Something Blue

But where will it get me?

She wouldn’t be able to still love me.

Maybe she already doesn’t love me anymore.

I stare across the space between us, watching her, waiting, giving her time to say what she came here to say - but she’s quiet.

Neve fidgets, her hands in her lap, her fingers twisting through each other. She scrunches her nose. “I think I will have some tea.” She says, looking for a distraction.

I jump up, eager to give her anything she wants.

She follows me through to the kitchen and leans against the counter while I make the tea.

I can see her struggling to piece her thoughts together, so I do my best to stay quiet.

“Celso, you need to stop sending me those gifts.” She says.

“I can’t. Even if you’re not here, I still want to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“I don’t want gifts I want—” She pauses. “I want someone I can trust. Someone I depend on.”

I clench my jaw, the muscles ripping across my face.

“I will earn your trust back. The truth is you needed to find out those things - I didn’t want to hide any part of myself from you, Neve. I always hoped that you would see me for exactly who I am and love me, anyway.” I turn to face her, and her eyes are wide and gentle.

She’s looking at me as though I’ve said something profound.

“That’s what I always wanted too.” She takes the tea from me. “I wanted someone to love me for who I am and not who they want me to be.”

“Neve - I love you. I love you as you are. And if you want to change and dye your hair purple and get tattoos everywhere - I will still love you forwho you are. You have the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful heart - I wantyou. Ineedyou.”

She smiles as she raises her eyes up towards me. “You kind of look like shit.” She chuckles.

“Ouch.” I smirk. “But you look like you are getting around about the same amount of sleep I’m getting?”

She pulls her mouth and scrunches her nose again. “Zero?”

“Yeah, about zero. It’s starting to affect me. In fact I’m a little worried I’m hallucinating you. Are you really here?” I grin as though I’m joking but I step forward to touch her face. To see if she’s real.

She reaches up and brushes her fingers over my hand and sparks fly between us like static electricity.

“Please let me love you, my angel.” I ask.

“I - I want to - I’m scared.”

“Of what?” I ask.

She swallows and looks into my eyes. “Of you, Celso.” She whispers.

Her words make my legs weak because of all the things in all the world I know I would never harm her. But I did. I hurt her. I broke her heart.

Shit. I screwed things up by keeping it from her. I should have told her myself. Instead of letting her find it on her own.

“Neve, those things that I did - I would never do that if you belonged to me. But I will also never stop fighting for you. So as long as you are out there - and not by my side - I will do whatever it takes to get you back.”

“Celso.” She says frustrated. “You can’t go around controlling my life.”

“I won’t have to if you tell me you love me and you will come back to me.” I huff.

---