Page 77 of Something Blue

I hate it here. Being here brings back all the memories of how I was oppressed and controlled by my family’s expectations of me.

The good girl.

Be perfect.

Smile for the media.

Wear this.

Say this.

Do this.

I flop face first down onto my bed and let the heavy, miserable sobs fall out of me and onto my pillow. Staining salty patches onto the soft fabric.

My brother doesn’t give a shit what I’m going through.

My father wouldn’t have either.

Even Damion wasn’t the man I thought he was. He was his own kind of evil.

All these men who I thought were good men - not a single one of them cared about me.

And the man who cares about me is a complete monster. He might not have directly hurt me, but he’s done things that have changed the course of my life.

I cry until I pass out and when I wake up I have a thunderous headache.

It’s dark outside and I’m cold, lying on the bed without the blankets over me.

Reaching over I pick up my phone to see what the time is.

Three AM.

I slept for seven hours. I didn’t expect that.

Sighing I roll over and sit up, rubbing my eyes with my fingertips. I need a painkiller and some water. I’m also hungry, even though I don’t know if can eat with my stomach knotted this way. I’ll hurl if I try.

My phone chimes and I glance at it. The screen is bright in the darkness of my bedroom.

Celso.

I sigh and pick it up to read the message.

Celso: I know youare angry, and you have every right to be. I’ll be lucky if you even take the time to read this. But please, don’t give up on me, angel. I did everything for you. I did everything because I thought, right or wrong, that we were meant to be together and I had to make it happen. It’s all I have ever wanted, and it’s still all I want. Give me a chance. I will prove to you that nothing else matters. I will prove to you that when I have you I don’t have to be that monster because I don’t have to fight for what I want - if I have you I have everything.

Please. Give me a chance, my angel. I love you. I will never stop loving you until I take my last breath.

I swallow hard, trying to push away the lump in my throat. I can’t cry anymore. My head hurts too much, and crying will make my headache worse.

The worst part is that I love him too.

I hate what he’s done to me and I don’t think I will ever get over it. I can’t trusthim. But I love him.

I love him more than anything.

I want to be with him more than anything.

My phone drops from my fingers onto the blankets next to me. I can’t reply. I wouldn’t even know what to say.