Page 73 of Something Blue

She grabs the handle of the suitcase and storms from the bedroom. I can’t move. I can’t stand up and I can’t turn to watch her walk away.

The front door closes with a bang and there is silence.

Heavy, empty, stony silence.

Th only thing I’ve ever wanted - I just lost.

The most precious thing in the entire world has walked out of my life and I don’t think she will ever speak to me again.

I should have deleted that folder. I should have made sure she could never find out.

But somewhere deep inside me I left it there so that she could stumble upon it.

Somewhere deep inside me I wanted her to know who I really was - and I wanted her to love me, anyway.

I wanted her to love me despite the darkness I can sense, drifting through my veins. The bitter heart I have towards anything that isn’t her.

She is the reason I don’t have to be that person. She is the only thing that holds the darkness at bay and the reason I have to be better.

Without her - without the chance of ever having her again - I am a monster.

I am nothing but a demon.

The dark ache that begins to consume me is thick like oil. It floods through me body, heavy and pitch black until I can’t see or think straight. I can’t do anything but let rage take over.

I was never good enough for her.

That’s the truth.

She is the angel, and I am the devil.

What right did I ever have to think I deserved something so pure.

So beautiful.

So perfect.

I drag myself to my feet and blindly make my way out of the penthouse, down to the parking garage. I shouldn’t leave. I should stay home. I am dangerous right now and there is no telling what I might do.

But I don’t care.

Without Neve - nothing matters.

Maybe my father did kill my mother - and I have his blood in my veins - meaning I am doomed tohurt the woman I love more than anything in the universe.

Maybe it’s true.

After all, I am my father’s son.

I stand in the center of the dance floor of the club I saw Neve in. I know she won’t be here, but it’s somewhere she has been - and therefore I can feel her somehow.

Music pulses through my body along with the many shots of tequila I’ve had. My vision is blurred. I had hoped that the alcohol would numb me, but it’s only turned me darker.

My soul is in the pits of hell. My heart doesn’t exist without her.

Someone shoves me from behind and I turn, swinging my fist before I even see who it is. The bouncer takes the hit and snarls like a wild animal.

“What the fuck are you doing back here?” he growls, grabbing me as I throw pinches left right and center.

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