Page 46 of One Step Sideways

“And what if he doesn’t care about all that? I couldn’t find any other family when I looked. You might be surprised.”

Kane hesitated. “You’d really come with me?”

“You came here with me.”

Kane scoffed. “You didn’t need any help.”

I glanced over from where we were perched. “Yeah, I did. Last night would have been all about when I was going to meet a nice boy.” Kane’s eyebrow shot up. “I’ve spent the last three years hiding,” I admitted. “I came here originally after I was released from the hospital, but it was too much. Mom had to fight to stop herself from crying the first time they saw me, and even though I loved them to death, it added to my guilt.

Kane frowned. “Guilt?” he repeated softly. “Why guilt?”

“There’re all sorts of official terms. I told you about Aubrey?, He was married to Pink, Gray’s sister, and his daughter was born one month after Aubrey died.”

“But isn’t that the fault—” He cut himself off and smiled ruefully. “I get it.” Yeah, I thought Kane did.

“The fact is, whatever label you put on it, Aubrey was a husband and a father, and I’m not.”

Kane gaped at me. “And that makes you less? That’s completely fucked up.” Kane paused. “Wait, I thought Pink was Rawlings’ wife?” But before I got the chance to explain another voice interrupted.

“You said a bad word.”

I instantly recognized the haughty voice, and my stomach sank. We both looked down, and I groaned, but I’d known who I was going to see. Emily’s oldest daughter Geneiva, or Ginny, Emily’s mini-me, stood there looking up at us with judgmental seven-year-old eyes and hands on her hips in the exact copy of her mom’s pose. I shifted my weight, and the branch creaked. Ginny moved nearer.

“Mommy’s gonna be cross with you.” She glared at Kane.

I tried to divert her. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

She huffed. “This is teacher learning day. Teachers always need to be constantly learning new things so they can teach us.” It was obviously a direct quote. “And Grandma said I should tell you lunch is ready.”

I blinked in surprise. It was that time already?

“Okay, go tell—”

“Move away,” Kane suddenly said. “Danny, tell her to move away,right now.” I glanced at Kane, but his face was a mask of fear and he held himself completely still. I had no idea why, but I obeyed instantly.

“Ginny, go tell Grandma we’re on our way. If you go now, I have a present for you.” I added desperately.

She narrowed her eyes. “That’s bribery.”

“Danny,” Kane gritted out. “Jump now and run. Take her—” But the next second passed in a blur of movement. I felt the branch I was sitting on crack and had a moment of disorientation, then I was back in that hole.

The guard was screaming at me, but it was like I couldn’t hear anything but noise. We’d heard the rattle of the Aks, and I knew without a doubt that Aubrey wasn’t coming back. It should have been me. I knew that. For so many reasons. But for the last few days, Gray’s concentration had been on me and like the selfish bastard I was, I’d lapped it up. Taken comfort. Taken from Aubrey because Gray didn’t have the strength to keep us both together, and I was the weak link. It was my fault. If I hadn’t been such a coward, Gray would have had enough for both of us.

And right then, if I could have swapped my life for Aubrey’s, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Screams, crying, pressure on my chest. I couldn’t move.

“Danny. Danny, baby.” I knew that voice, and it didn’t belong in that hole. Then I was thrust into a different reality where there was so much noise. My dad was there, and I recognized Gavin, Emily’s husband. Emily was crying as she dragged Ginny from Kane’s arms. It was like I was a tree. I had branches, whichmade no sense, but then I was lifted upright and stared into the deep gray-green eyes that I loved.

“You’re okay,” Kane decreed, and I nodded because he’d said so. But as I looked at him, I saw blood. He had a vicious cut along the top of his eye that was swelling, but I still saw a tree.

“Why are you a tree?”

“For God’s sake, Danny, snap out of it,” Emily yelled. “Boo-hoo. You’re a grown man. Where were you when Ginny could have been killed? This family’s pandered to you for long enough. A hundred soldiers go through what you did every year. Didn’t have a cushy time? Then you should have used the education Mom and Dad slaved to pay for and gotten a real damn job.”

On a purely detached level, I heard Gavin hush his wife and lead them both away. I heard my dad talking to Kane and urging him to walk me back. I heard Kane. But my legs suddenly failed me, and I sat down in what seemed to be a field of wood and leaves. I hung onto the hand that clasped mine and took refuge in the arm that surrounded me. Maybe I shouldn’t? Maybe I didn’t deserve it? But nothing would have made me pull away.

“Danny?”

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