Page 36 of One Step Sideways

And because I was such a loser, that moment was also the closest I came to crying since I’d sat in that courtroom and heard my dad tell everyone I was abusive. I shrugged, mainly to do something with my body. But then I absorbed what he said and turned to offer some sort of reply, but every word died in my throat. He was so close. So close I smelled his breath. The scent of tea. Of whatever toothpaste he used. Ofhope. Of Danny.

And I didn’t dare blink because, really slowly, he lifted his hand and settled it on my cheek, the one with the scar. I almost restrained the flinch, but not quite. But he must have decided the reaction was for another reason because his hand still settled on my skin. Part of me wanted to move. My skin vibrated with thedesperate urge to run, but a bigger part, the part that kept my ass on the floor, wanted more. More touch, more Danny.

Way more Danny.

But I wouldn’t kiss him. He’d run, panicked, last time. This one had to be him.

“I want to touch you, but I’m scared.” Such a simple sentence for such raw honesty. And for the first time, I wondered if anyone had ever gotten the real Danny. Because the war might have changed him, but whoever Danny was had to still be buried in there. Right? In my dumbass, fanciful brain, I imagined he was waiting just for me to bring the part of him he’d lost in that hell-hole all the way back.

“I don’t want to scare either of us,” I admitted.

“Can you bear to stay still?”

Still?I would wrap myself in chains for him. “Yes.” If prison had taught me anything, it was patience. The declaration must have been enough, because Danny moved. Slowly, in desperately small increments, but always in the right direction for our mouths to touch, his lips seemed to find mine just as my eyes closed. It wasn’t hard keeping them shut. Every sense was so overloaded I didn’t think adding sight to the maelstrom surrounding me could make anything more perfect.

It was harder—much harder—keeping my arms by my side, but as his lips began to move over mine, I forgot what I should or shouldn’t do. I was still slow, though. Every gasp against my lips, every cautious venture of fingers against my skin that was returned, seemed to set my body on fire. I could feel the heat simmer under my skin. My heart skipped its rhythm then fell into a pounding that seemed to make the earth turn faster, but steady my world all at the same time. How had I still been alive all my thirty-three years and not known this? This moment. This feeling.

It made every stripe worth it. Every hurt. Every bruise. Every harsh word. And every fervent wish to die to finally find pleasure in being alive. Find joy in that ultimate failure. I couldn’t imagine ever not experiencing his lips, his tongue, hiscautious hands that kept mine still because no terror of my father’s fists could ever match the fear that he would stop.

I didn’t know, with failure and disappointment always swirling around me, how in my heart the touch of another—Danny’s touch—could bring me such peace. I just knew I never wanted it to end.

But end it did, because he withdrew and then got to his feet. I could barely look, expecting him to rush out the door. But then Danny extended his hand to me. “Not sure about you, but I’d be more comfortable in bed.”

Chapter Fifteen

Kane

For a long moment I held my breath, but then I kicked myself as doubt crept into Danny’s eyes at how unresponsive I was, so I reached up to take his hand. He was stronger than I expected, and as much as I wanted this—wanted him—I panicked. “I—” My throat closed even as I got to my feet.

“No expectations,” Danny whispered. “Don’t cage me in.”

Which brought me out of my head spin. “Physically or figuratively?”

He winced a little. “Both?”

I swallowed. “I have zero experience.” I could feel the flush start in my neck and could guess at the thoughts racing through his head. “And I assumed you hated me the other day.”

“No, the opposite,” Danny confessed and stepped closer. “I liked you too much, and it overwhelmed me.”

Honest. We were being honest. “When I say zero experience—”

“You said I was your first kiss.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to think about the other time. Not that there were any kisses involved. He tipped his head to the side, studying me, but didn’t ask more. I didn’t know whether I was glad or not. Relieved, maybe. I didn’t want to bring ugliness into this moment. It made no sense, but I wanted this to be special. I wanted to remember this as good. Even if we just kissed.

“I need to go slow,” Danny said.

“Thank fuck,” I burst out and Danny chuckled, and suddenly everything seemed easier. I bent my head, utterly entranced by the sparkle in his eyes, and wanted to taste the smile on his lips.

As our mouths touched, I registered the same slight mix of mint and tea as before. He reminded me of some chocolates Archie always had around Christmas. His favorites. Never knew where they came from. Some things you didn’t ask even when you wanted more. He slid his tongue between my lips and tangled it with mine, the action shooting straight to my dick, which tingled happily. Slowly, I felt his fingers slide under my shirt and he slid his hands up. I stiffened, wrenching our lips apart and took a step backwards.

His eyes flew open, and we just stood eyeing each other warily. “Sorry,” I offered, feeling completely inadequate.

“I’ve seen your scars.” He took hold of my hand and walked me to the bed. “But you haven’t seen mine.” He crossed his arms and grabbed his shirt, then pulled it over his head. I gazed at his chest. It was littered with round—what looked like—cigarette burn marks, but some were too large to be from cigarettes. My eyes immediately zeroed on his left nipple and the small circular silver band that pierced it. Was it fucked up that he’d stripped to show me his scars, but all my focus was on that single nipple ring? I ached to touch it. Then he took a breath and turned to show me his back.

I hissed in a breath. I knew what whip marks looked like, and there were dozens.

“So, you see,” he said, turning around. “It’s why I’m hesitant to be touched as well.”

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