"What's the point when I'm living here alone? There's no point to decorate or worry about cooking elaborate meals." It had been that way for a while now.
"You do those things for yourself," Ginny said.
"I'm rethinking everything right now. I'll worry about it after this trip. But I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine."
"You've always been so strong."
I started folding clothes and stacking them in the suitcaseagain. I sensed the tension from Ginny. "Was there something else?"
"I know we talked about you hiring me to work for your company. But I don't think I want to travel as much as you do. I don't want to be away from Waylon."
My stomach sunk. I'd suspected this might be the case, but hearing her say this out loud confirmed my fears. The dreams I had for the last few years were shattered. I kept folding, my movements progressively jerkier. I didn't want her to know I was upset. This dream meant more to me than it ever had to her.
"I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, and that you thought you'd be helping me by creating a position for me. But it's not what I want."
It was like every word was a punch to the gut. "I'm disappointed, but I understand." I wanted her to leave so that I could fall apart by myself. I didn't want her to know how upsetting this decision was for me. It was her life, her choice.
"I'm sorry if hearing that hurts you."
I placed the last sweater into the suitcase, then turned away to gather my panties and bras. I grabbed scraps of lace without really looking at what I was doing. My eyes stung, and I just wanted to be alone. "It's fine. Things change. That's life."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Uh-huh." I dropped the pile of underthings into the suitcase. Before I could move toward the bathroom to get my toiletries, Ginny asked softly, "Will you look at me?"
I turned to meet her gaze. "It's fine. I'm fine. But I'd like some time to process everything."
Her forehead wrinkled with concern. "I know you don't like change."
"I should be used to it at this point. I should have known your dream wouldn't be anything like mine. I just wanted to protect you. To set you up so that you're taken care of."Nothing stayed the same, no matter how much you wanted it to.
"Your intentions were good. But I'm grown up now. I don't need you to take care of me anymore."
"I know." Except my life spread out before me without anything to look forward to. My mom and my sister were in relationships, and I was alone. I'd always thought it was better this way. I couldn't get hurt. But now I was starting to wonder if being lonely was worse than experiencing heartache. Then I remembered that scared girl who watched her father walk out the front door.
It hurt too much to even think about.
"I know Dad leaving was devastating for you. But we have to move on. He certainly has." I shut him out. I didn't want anything to do with him. He'd made his choice, and it had nothing to do with his wife or daughters.
"You're right. I need to find a way to move on. A way where he doesn't affect every decision I make in the future."
Relief flooded Ginny's face. "I think so too."
I smiled to cover the pain. "Congrats on taking the next step in your relationship with Waylon. If you ever need anything?—"
Ginny smiled. "I know you'll be there for me."
I moved toward the bathroom.
"But, Carolina, think about the house before you put it up for sale. You love this house."
I turned to face her. "It's just a building. It's your family that's home."
Ginny stood and crossed the room to hug me. "I think you're right, and you'll always be my home."
I cherished our last sisterly hug in our shared home. When I returned from this next trip, everything would be different. Ginny would have moved out, and I'd be alone. Truly alone for the first time. There would be no hoping that Ginny would come home for fresh clothes or a shower. I wasn't neededanymore. The pain coursed through my body as I packed up my things in the bathroom.
Ginny leaned a shoulder against the door frame. "Why do you have a conference scheduled so close to Christmas? I thought your season slowed down in December."