Page 31 of Wild Nights

"The food. The day. It's important to me."

"Ask yourself why that is. Is it because your father leaving made you feel out of control, and you've been fighting to regain that ever since?"

I frowned. "No."

"Just because we do something differently doesn't mean it's because of him. We can do whatever we want."

"So what? Next year you're ordering out?" I asked, feeling exasperated by this conversation.

"I'm dating someone. Ginny has a boyfriend. We might be somewhere else next year." Her phone rang. "Oh, it's Harold. I'll go take this in the spare room."

It was like I'd been shoved hard in the gut. I couldn't breathe around the pain. It was debilitating. I sat on the stool, the smell of the food permeating the room.

There was garland on the windowsills and holiday towels hanging from the stove. My phone buzzed.

Oliver: I know we said we wouldn't talk between visits, but I wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

I swallowed around the tightness in my throat. I didn't want him to know that I was upset.

Carolina: Thank you! Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!

Oliver: I hope you're enjoying this time with your family.

Carolina: Absolutely! I bet it's loud with so many people.

I shouldn't want to continue this conversation beyond the pleasantries, but I couldn't help myself.

Oliver: I'm not going to lie. It's loud and crazy with everyone in one place.

Carolina: I bet. But it sounds nice.

It wasn't loud and crazy here. Mom was holed up in the spare bedroom talking to her new man, and Ginny was cuddling with Waylon while he watched football. I'd never felt more alone. What would it be like to be part of a big family? One that was loud and boisterous? I was jealous of Oliver's family, which was ridiculous. That could never be mine.

We hadn't heard from my grandparents on my dad's side since he asked for a divorce. I was never sure if that was my mom's doing or his. I never met my grandfather on my mom's side. He died before I was born. And my grandmother was in a memory-care unit. She didn't know who I was anymore.

I didn't hear from Oliver for the rest of the afternoon, and I assumed it was because he was busy with his family. Iwouldn't bother him when he was having such a good time. But I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself. Maybe next year, I should plan to be somewhere else. A Caribbean vacation might be nice. Everyone wanted to be with their significant other, which left me out.

I stayed in the kitchen, claiming I needed to check on the progress of the food. Then I arranged the table settings and silverware. I could hear Mom and Ginny talking in the next room. But I couldn't bring myself to join them. It felt like they were different than before. They had plans that didn't match mine, and I wasn't sure what that meant for me.

I could work more, travel farther away. There was no one waiting for me in Maine anymore. When Ginny officially moved her things out, I'd sell the house, and not worry about getting a new place. I could move anywhere.

But I hated the idea of not having a home base or a family waiting for me.

Chapter Ten

OLIVER

Iloved being with my family even though my parents were still traveling. I spent Thanksgiving morning at home with Joey. This evening, Eli was hosting a dinner at the lodge for family and those who were staying at the lodge and anyone in the community who didn't have a place to go for dinner.

Eli had recently fallen in love with Scarlett, his best friend's younger sister. He was preoccupied with the theater program in town and their budding relationship. I felt unsettled. I hadn't expected Eli to meet someone and to fall in love so quickly. To my knowledge he hadn't even been looking for anything serious.

He was happy, and I wasn't sure what to make of that. At lunch time, I was feeling off, so I reached out to Carolina despite my vow not to have contact with her in between her visits.

After her last message, I'd packed up Joey and headed to the lodge. As soon as we arrived, we were prepared for the evening meal. Eli let most of the staff off so we were in charge of serving and cleaning.

It was the first year we'd attempted to host the mealwithout my parents which was bittersweet. We wanted them to have a good retirement and do all the traveling they wanted to do, but we missed them.

"Will Grandma and Grandpa be back soon?" Joey asked from where he played with cars on the floor.

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