"That can't be true." Had I never been all-in with a man?
"Name one guy that you were in love with."
"I don't think you have to be in love with someone to have a relationship with them." I hoped that wasn't the case. I wasn't even sure I was capable of that emotion outside of family and friends.
She shook her head. "That's a no."
"I'm happy for you and Waylon. But I don't need that kind of relationship in my life to be happy." The morning after my night with Oliver had been nice. I enjoyed his thoughtful gifts, and talking to him on the phone. But surely, those kinds of actions were reserved for the initial stages of the relationship. Once I'd been married for years, I wouldn't expect flowers or breakfast to be delivered. But I had to admit it was a sweet gesture.
Ginny blew out a breath. "I'm not saying you do, but I think you'd enjoy it. You don't have to go through life alone."
"I have you and Mom."
Ginny just gave me a look.
I laughed. "I'm perfectly happy being alone. I'm used to it. But I want you to enjoy your life."
"Are you sure you’d be okay if I moved out?”
"I'm positive." I stood and hugged her tightly. I missed our girls' nights where we'd eat dinner in front of some sappy romance movie. But that didn't mean I'd hold her back. I'd just have to get used to my new reality of being alone. "Now go. Enjoy the festival."
Ginny slung her bag over her shoulder and edged toward the door. "You're welcome to join us."
"I'll text you if I change my mind." Then she was gone, and I could relax and stop pretending that she wasn't upending my world with talk of her serious relationship and moving out. My sister was worried about me. It was supposed to be the other way around.
I looked at the screen of my phone, debating texting Oliver. Did he feel alone even when he was surrounded by his family? He had so many brothers, and his website said his cousin lived with them growing up. It was a tight-knit family. I bet his father never walked out on his mother.
Oliver wouldn't understand what I was going through. But I wanted to talk to someone. Outside of Ginny, I didn't really have any friends. I worked alone. I was the boss of my own business. I talked to vendors and clients, but that wasn't friendship. That was a business relationship. Even what I had with Oliver wasn't friendship. It was two people satisfying each other's physical needs.
I pulled up his name, looking at our last brief exchange. We didn't ask how each other was doing in between our dalliances. That's not what our relationship was, and I didn'twant to scare him off by starting now. I'd stay strong and see him in December.
The only problem was, I was starting to look forward to my visit to Telluride more and more. I just hoped he didn't move on with someone else or decide to end our relationship before I got there.
Oliver was the one thing I had for myself that no one else knew about. I’d told Ginny when we first hooked up but she had no reason to think I’d seen him again. He was my secret, a gift I kept under wraps until I'd see him again.
On Thanksgiving, I hosted at my house. I didn't want my mom to go through the trouble of doing everything herself.
I prepared the stuffing and the cranberry sauce the day before. But on Thursday morning, I woke up early so I could get the turkey in the oven. Ginny was supposed to be here, but she wasn't yet. I was positive she'd have a lazy morning with Waylon, then show up with apologies.
I turned on some holiday music and tried not to feel bad that I was alone on Thanksgiving. I thought it would always be my sister and me. The plan was for me to build the business so that she could come on as a partner. I was so close to that becoming a reality, but now I was afraid to ask if it was still her plan. If she settled down with Waylon, then she might not want to travel around the country for work.
I shook my head, telling myself I wouldn't worry about that until she said something. I continued as if that was our plan.
After the turkey was in the oven, I turned to the potatoes. It was only the four of us since Ginny asked if Waylon could be here too. But I liked to make a lot of food for leftovers.
I loved the holidays, but they hadn't been the same since Dad left. They felt emptier, lonelier somehow. Like somethingwas always missing. I tried hard to make it a good memory, but lately I was starting to wonder if I was fooling myself.
By lunch time, the kitchen was starting to smell good.
Ginny opened the door with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry. We lost track of time."
I smiled. "It's perfectly fine. I'm right on schedule."
"What can I help with?"
She was here now. That was all that mattered. "Can you make your fancy mac and cheese?"
Ginny scanned the counter. "Do we need it? There's only the four of us coming to dinner."