Page 1 of Weston

Chapter One

Weston Murphy sat on the edge of the cliff, both his good leg and his prosthetic limb dangling over a couple hundred feet of empty air. The Montana view would be breathtaking if his heart didn’t feel so heavy.

August fifteenth, his wedding anniversary, had taken on an entirely new significance. It was a day Wes used to celebrate. But, not anymore. Now it was merely a terrible reminder of how he’d lost the love of his life eighteen months earlier. A day that had plummeted his entire world into a bottomless pit of darkness and despair.

Everything lost its vibrancy the day Elizabeth Wright Murphy was murdered. And his soul felt her absence on a profound level.

“Fuck,” he hissed, arm clutched around the jar of her ashes. “I miss you, Ellie. So goddamn much.”

It would be so easy to just lean forward, slip off the rocky edge and end it all. To join his Ellie in the afterlife, whatever the hell that consisted of. His faith might be shaky, but he knew one thing for sure—without Ellie, there could be no heaven.

Reaching up, he grasped the charm hanging around his neck, rubbing it between his thumb and index finger. Taking comfort in the fact it used to be on her neck, against her soft skin. Ellie wore the cursive “E” pendant all the time. Untiltragedy struck and Wes found it lying on the boat deck where his wife had fought and struggled for her life.

And lost.

Gritting his teeth, Wes pulled in a sharp breath and raked a hand through his short brown hair, peppered with silver. At forty-six, he felt like he was falling apart a little more every single day. Physically and mentally. Once, he’d been so strong, with two legs and a woman he loved fiercely. He’d been a Navy SEAL, the toughest operator, a force to be reckoned with, and he never hesitated when it came time to complete a mission.

But reality had eventually come crashing down. He wasn’t super human. Not even close. Despite all his training, he’d discovered he was a mere mortal like everyone else. The only thing that made him different, the one common denominator he shared with his frog brothers, was he could endure pain and discomfort longer than the average person.

After losing his right leg below the knee, humility hit him hard. Hell, he’d fallen flat on his ass, wallowing in defeat and feeling sorry for himself until Ellie helped pull him through the depression and loss of his limb. She’d been his angel, his rock, everything he’d needed to eventually heal and accept his new limitations. Without her love and support, he wasn’t sure he would’ve made it.

Ellie was the one person who’d never given up on him.

But, he’d failed her.

When she’d needed him most, he hadn’t been there to protect her.

Squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to let the guilt suck him under, he clenched his hands into fists. He’d never be able to forgive himself. And while he knew holding tight to the blame wasn’t good for him, he didn’t care. It was his burden to carry until the day he died. His Ellie-Bean had been his entire world, and he missed her so badly, it was tearing him apart.

They said time heals all wounds, but Wes knew better. His wounds were still red, raw and festering. No amount of time that passed would ever mend them. There would be no closure. They oozed with guilt, pain and a loss so deep, all he could do was bear it. Continue to pack the hole in his heart with the gauze of his beautiful memories. And, there were a lot of them. Because she made all the ordinary moments feel extraordinary.

Much like a midlife crisis, loss consisted of six major stages: denial, anger, replay, depression, withdrawal and acceptance. Or, so his shrink had said. He wouldn’t have gone to one on his own, but after Ellie’s parents had found him sitting in his garage, Glock in hand, drunk and contemplating ending his life, they’d begged him to seek help.

So, he did. But, it hadn’t helped. Not really. Because “acceptance” was an impossibility. He refused to accept she was gone. How could he? The hardest fucking thing in the world was losing the woman you loved more than anything. She had taught him what unconditional love meant. They had promised to grow old together. Life and experience had taught him to never take a moment with her for granted.

And then their moments had tragically run out.

Looking out over the stunning valley below, he inched forward slightly. Gravel shifted beneath his weight and that nagging death wish took him in its chokehold.Just a little closer,a voice taunted. But what if his death didn’t bring him closer to Ellie? What if by killing himself, it further isolated him from the only thing he wanted?

It wasn’t a chance he was willing to take.

With a muttered curse, he pushed his body back to more secure ground and set Ellie’s urn aside. He ran his hand lovingly over its smooth ceramic surface, and for what may have been the millionth time, it felt like a knife pierced his heart, its blade twisting deeply.

He never should’ve let her go on that research trip. But, of course, his wife had her heart set on going to the exotic location where the sea turtles needed rescuing.Fuck those stupid turtles.I wish they’d all go extinct.

No, actually, he didn’t. Ellie loved those little bastards and, as a marine biologist, she’d studied and protected them. Wes hadn’t liked the idea of her traveling all the way to the South China Sea, but she had a good, competent crew and a heart of gold. They’d come to a compromise—she would leave at the scheduled time, with security, and he would follow a few days later, after the stupid appointment that now seemed so insignificant. They’d needed a new water heater.

His wife had died when he’d been home waiting around for someone to install a fucking water heater.

The absurdity of it never failed to upset him. He still punished himself by taking cold showers when guilt clawed at his conscience.

But Wes couldn’t deny Ellie anything. She was far too independent and had already visited so many exotic locations, determined to study and protect sea creatures and theirenvironments. From sharks to dolphins to marine iguanas, her dedication inspired him. It was one of the things he loved about her. Seeing her light up and express her passion made him so happy. Her smile was contagious and he couldn’t fathom how anyone could extinguish that brilliant light she’d possessed.

And no matter where she went, she always came back. Until she didn’t…

Wes squeezed his eyes shut, his head pounding. He pressed his fingers to his temple and massaged, deciding not to fight it…to just let himself go back in time to when everything was good.

The first moment he saw her at a freshman mixer at the University of Michigan, he’d been inexplicably drawn to her. She’d been laughing with a friend and he couldn’t look away. Her light brown hair glistened with golden highlights and her blue-green eyes made him think of the sea or a tranquil lagoon that he wanted to submerge himself in. She must’ve felt his stare because she’d turned, met his gaze and gave him a shy smile. And that was the end of that. Wes was officially smitten.

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