Page 32 of The Bratva's Knocked-Up Bride

I had never been more torn about anything in my life before.

Not on what university to choose, what to major in, or if I really would make the jump to New York after school. Nothing came even close to how equally aggravating and addicting Damien Novikov was to me.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was constantly flip-flopping between wanting to be near him and wanting to have as much space as possible.

We were in a strange limbo of knowing we crossed that line and being well aware of our mutual attraction…yet we weren’t pursuing anything beyond that hookup. At least, I was refusing to give in completely, both because I wanted to maintain some level of control over myself, and because I wanted Damien to pump the breaks on how overbearing he could be.

Still, it was hard. As much as I wanted to ignore him and everything I felt, another part of me just wanted to get all of those frustrating parts out of the way and give myself over to him. I wanted to explore what we could be. I wanted to know if his own feelings went beyond just attraction.

Within that limbo of not fully knowing what we were trying to achieve, we exchanged texts from time to time, but they mostly consisted of us discussing my current assignment and coordinating more times to head out in search of leads.

While that was good, and I was managing to maintain some level of focus despite him being along for the ride, I still felt that pang of disappointment in knowing our conversation wasn’t going beyond that.

I knew it was a ridiculous thought and not something I should’ve been concerning myself with, but I couldn’t help it.

Beneath my irritation and frustration when it came to him, I found him incredibly attractive in every sense. It left me in a strange place of wanting to be cordial but also feeling standoffish, and I could only imagine how confused he must’ve been too.

But if he was confused, then I was even more so.

Between wanting to give in to my interest in him and also hating the idea of giving him that sense of satisfaction in giving myself to him, especially after he had been inserting himself in too many areas of my life, I didn’t know what to do.

It was beyond aggravating, but in some twisted way, a part of me liked the mess of it all.

That never would’ve been true before, but there was just something about Damien that seemed to scramble me and my life as a whole.

Before, I was all about order and playing by the book, but strangely enough, he possessed the power to flip all of that around for me and push me in the direction of making choices I otherwise wouldn’t have.

I hated to admit it, but it was thrilling, and thrill was something I had been lacking for quite some time.

When I wasn’t working on the new assignment, I still had my usual work to contend with, along with managing my floor and attending meetings.

The latter had me held up in a conference room with Gemma and a few others, and while I wanted more than anything to keep my attention completely locked on the subject at hand, I still found my mind wandering to Damien.

It happened more often than I liked, but for the most part, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it. He was somewhat of an anomaly in my life regardless of what our label was, and even when we weren’t bickering or attempting to skirt around the situation between us, I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking or doing.

I wanted to know if he felt as conflicted as I did, or if he really cared about me beyond trying to get under my skin.

Before, I wanted to think I had him completely figured out. I assumed he was just some tough guy who was likely better left alone, but after seeing more of him and noticing his strange need to always be present or trying to protect me in some way, it was hard to think of him as only that.

I still didn’t understand why he chose me of all people to shadow, but in some annoying way, it was at least somewhat flattering. Or maybe reassuring.

At least then I knew if there was something bad going on at work like Damien alluded to, then maybe I stood a better chance of avoiding it.

“Hey, can you stay back for a minute?” Gemma asked me after the meeting wrapped up and the others were heading out.

Ignoring my broken train of thought, I nodded. “Of course. What do you need?”

Waiting until the last person was on the way out, offering them a friendly smile as they waved back at us, Gemma seemed to let her professional mask slip to some degree. The grin she gave me was more relaxed and sincere.

“Okay…it’s actually not work-related at all.”

Feeling as though we both slipped into our usual friendly patterns, I lifted a curious brow at her. “I’m listening…”

Gemma chuckled. “This is a bit last minute, but time completely escaped me and I forgot about an event the families are putting on tonight. They can get a bit tedious, especially when everyone gets schmoozing with guests, and in my experience, it’s always better with a friend. Would you be interested in going?”

“Is it the Levovs and Novikovs?”

She nodded. “Mhm…Ari and Alex seem to be following each other’s lead more often lately, and they’re pretty much becoming synonymous with one another. It’ll be the usual crowd.”

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