Page 107 of Bloom: Part 1

“For me saying I loved you.”

“What?”

“You were right when you said I didn’t even know you yet I claimed I loved you. But I’ve figured it out. When you spend enough time in therapy as I have, I guess some things are easier to understand.”

Logan shifted so he was hovering over me, his face in the shadows. We’d agreed to no lights, and I’d turned off my phone to preserve the battery life.

“I’m lost here, Bloom. What are you trying to say?”

“That I didn’t love you those times I told you I did.”

“Oh.”

My heart thumped. Did he think me silly now? “That’s all you have to say?”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Bloom. You just told me you didn’t love me. Maybe we should be quiet in case those men are out there.”

“No, you don’t understand.” I moved closer so my lips were next to his ear. “I didn’t say I don’t love you now, but back when I started stalking you. It’s different now.”

“How so? And if you think you didn’t love me, then how are you so sure you do now?”

“It’s easy when you think about it. People consider me the crazy knife boy without any fears, but I have them. Lots of them.” I placed my head on his chest. “At the time, I was afraid of how my world was changing and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before we came to Smoky Vale, it was the four of us against the world—Crowe, Saint, Winter, and me. Five, if you count Sarge, but he’s a nomad, so him being away was normal. But Crowe came here and got together with Max. We couldn’t get along. I was jealous.”

“Jealous?” His hand gripped mine. “I thought you and Crowe only had a platonic relationship.”

“Yeah, but for as long as I knew him, I’ve always been number one to Crowe. I was special. But then he met Max, and I wasn’t that special anymore. When I first came to Smoky Vale, I playeda practical joke that made Max mad. For the first time in eight years, Crowe sided with someone else.”

“I see.”

But did he? He had no idea how reliant I’d become on Crowe. The people in my life had made sense. We knew our places, but all of a sudden, I didn’t belong in my usual place anymore. I felt off balance.

“You know Crowe doesn’t care any less about you because he loves Max.”

“I know, but it’s no longer the same. If he had to save me or Max, he would choose Max.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s what I believe. I tried to deal with it, you know. Tried to find who I was without Crowe. It’s why I went goth. Thought I’d do something new.”

“You mean you weren’t always like this?”

“Nope, but I liked the style, so I kept it. While it made me feel better, things went to shit when Bay fell in love and moved in with Gerald.”

“We met when Bay was in the hospital.”

“Exactly. I’d walked into the room, and Gerald was with Bay. They didn’t need me, so I focused on you. You sounded so confident and sure of yourself while you ignored my attempts to rile you up. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but you…you reminded me of Crowe the day he saved me. I might have been mute, but I understood enough. He was the one who convinced the others to take me with them. I decided from that moment that Crowe’s replacement would be you.”

Logan’s body went rigid, and his chest expanded on a deep inhale. He sat up, dislodging me from off him.

“Let me get this straight. All this time you’ve been running after me, you wanted me to replace another man?” Although Icouldn’t see his face, the hiss in his voice told me he wasn’t pleased.

“You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. Dr. Simms was right.”

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