Page 99 of Bloom: Part 1

“We’re doing everything we can, but it doesn’t help you pointing that thing at us. This is a whole new level of stupidity when you threaten the lives of the very people who fight to keep you alive after engaging in these asinine decisions in the first place.”

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” He raised his gun, his finger on the trigger. I lowered my scalpel, not saying anything, and I didn’t have to. The look in my eyes spoke volumes, one that told him that the life of their leader was in my hands.

The door burst open again.

“No!” I cried, dropping the scalpel as our assailant aimed his gun at Bloom.

27

BLOOM

“Bloom, are you paying attention?” Dr. Simms’s waspish tone snapped me back to reality. I blinked, refocusing on the man sitting across from me. We’d been talking about my childhood when I’d slipped away in my mind, finding refuge in the memories Logan and I had created. They were much better than the darkness the doctor wanted to let loose. He kept insisting that until I dealt with the past, I would never have a future, but I wasn’t convinced.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I crossed my arms and pursed my lips.

“How about we make you more amenable to remembering?”

Which meant he wanted to hypnotize me again. I shook my head. “I already told you this morning that I didn’t want to go under anymore. It makes me feel funny, unsure of what’s true and what’s not.”

“Hypnosis puts you in a relaxed state so you can interact with your past and recall buried memories, Bloom. It doesn’t distort the truth. Has Dr. Collier told you that?”

“Logan says I don’t have to consent if I don’t want to.”

“Is Dr. Collier your psychologist, or am I?” He got to his feet and threw his notebook onto the couch. “Everything was going fine until he poked his nose into my business.”

Taken aback at his outburst, I clenched and unclenched my fists. I’d promised Logan I’d be good. “Well, it’s my business too, so of course it’s also his business. Why are you getting upset? It’s my life. If I don’t want to remember, why are you forcing me to?”

“If you don’t want to remember, why are you here?”

“To help me find ways to cope when my anger gets out of hand. To learn to walk away instead of fighting all the time. To understand social cues and how to deal with life. To sleep better at night and to not have to go to bed worried that I’ll wake up in a puddle of my piss.”

“But, Bloom, don’t you see that all the answers you seek rest in acknowledging the trauma you faced.”

Did he even know what he was talking about? I was trying to get past the trauma of years of neglect and abuse forging my core memories. Why would he want to drag me back through all that filth?

“I…I’m not ready.” My words hung heavily in the air. Logan only knew the most basic information. Crowe had found me and only knew what he’d seen. They hadn’t lived like a dog for years. Hadn’t licked water off the concrete where it dripped from a hole in the shed, hadn’t been left to starve for days. Did he know what it was like to have a dog sink its teeth into your back and feel the skin separate from your body but still fight because if I didn’t get that scrap of food, they would beat me for losing and not give me anything but the bones from their plates to gnaw on?

He had no idea what he wanted me to relive.

“What do you want to talk about, then?” The doctor’s cool facade was back in place. “I suppose we should discuss your new relationship. How are things progressing?”

“Great.”

“Tell me about it. Have you spoken to Dr. Collier about your past?”

“No. He doesn’t pressure me to talk about it.”

“Or he’s not interested enough to know. Anyone who truly cares about someone will want to know about their past.”

“Logan cares about me.” I sat up straight. “You have no idea how kind he’s been to me. He took me out for dinner and to the movies. I’ve never gone to the movies.”

“And I presume you repaid him with sex? That’s a common tactic men use to gain control, but you don’t know that, so you romanticize everything. None of it is real.”

“Itisreal. I’m the one who always pushes for us to have sex, not him. You don’t know shit. If you continue talking bad about Logan, I won’t come back!”

“Bloom, as your therapist, I have to worry if I think someone is taking advantage of you, but it’s your choice.” He held up his hands and sat back on the sofa. “But given you have a physical relationship with him, we should talk about intimacy and any problems you’re having. Previously, you mentioned your abhorrence to anyone touching you or having sex with you.”

“Yeah, well, I was wrong.”

---