Page 49 of Bloom: Part 1

“James, surely, you know Bloom has a host of mental health issues he’s working on through therapy.”

“So? He can’t do it and have a relationship at the same time? He doesn’t deserve to be loved before he’s whole? Is that it?”

“It’s more of doing him a disservice by not giving him the time to fully understand his feelings. You’ve seen Bloom’s extremes. You know that’s not love.”

James dropped his gaze. He knew damn well I was right. Bloom might convince himself he was in love with me, but he didn’t even know me. Would he still love me if he knew the man he professed to love was nothing but a shell of his former self wrapped in a name that wasn’t even his?

“All I know is that he thinks he’s in love with you. He might not have a clear picture of what love is yet. It might be an obsession, but I don’t think it’s completely empty. There’s something else there, Dr. Collier.”

But what if there wasn’t?

The scene of Bloom in the closet, wailing and scratching at the wall, flashed through my mind. I couldn’t risk it. He was already in a fragile state that may have a catastrophic result in the future. He’d stabbed himself in the thigh, for fuck’s sake, just to be with me. How could I feed into that kind of behavior?

James might not understand it, but I was keeping Bloom at arm’s length for his own good. Dr. Simms had reminded me of what was at stake, and even though I didn’t want to, I cared too much to hurt him with my uncertain life. Even ten years ofliving in Smoky Vale didn’t guarantee where I would wake up tomorrow.

And if that meant going on a date with Nicholas to convince myself I was moving on from that boy, I would do it. No matter how little my heart was into it.

13

BLOOM

Slumped in my chair with my hoodie over my head, I listened to Crowe’s tirade. An emergency meeting had been called, and every biker in Smoky Vale who wore the Blood Hound patch was in attendance. Except for Winter, who was barely hanging on for life. No one but Crowe, Saint, Bay, and me knew the full extent of what Winter had gone through, and we were keeping it that way. For that reason, we’d had him admitted at the private hospital rather than Smoky Vale Gen, where Jamie and Logan worked.

I clenched my hands into fists. The images of him when we’d found him wouldn’t leave me alone, even after more than a week. I woke up at night soaked in sweat from illusions of me in Winter’s position. I’d tripped, my rage uncontrollable, so Crowe had confined me to my room. No one had been allowed to talk to me except my brothers. They’d taken my communication devices. I hadn’t been able to so much as twitch without one of them looking in at me. They took turns guarding me, not trusting my restlessness. I didn’t blame them. The ugliness in me emerged, pushed to the surface by Winter’s incident.

Crowe had been even more overprotective when he saw the cut on my thigh. He was afraid I would do something stupid, even though I told him I wouldn’t. That I’d known exactly what I was doing when I took that knife to my thigh. I’d lied about how I’d gotten the wound, knowing he would only oppose me being in a relationship even more.

He didn’t believe me anyway.

Saint’s mom had called me every day to provide therapy over the phone. Thank fuck for her. She’d convinced Crowe I could be trusted to go hunting, so they’d brought me camping yesterday and let me loose on nature. We’d hauled back all my kills and had a bittersweet feast. The physical activity had eased my need for blood, but I was still restless. It’d been too long since I’d seen Logan.

“We can’t afford to have any fuckups during this time while we’re under surveillance. Again.” Crowe placed his hands on the desk, the scar on his face standing out against his skin.

“I don’t know why we have to halt our drug distribution because of him.” Tango glared at me. “Psycho over there is the one who killed that man.”

“Better be careful, Tango.” Mouse chuckled. “Wouldn’t want to wake up with a knife stuck in your throat, would you?”

Tango squirmed. I drummed my fingers on the arms of my chair, attention fixed on each movement, each quiet tap of a finger hitting the wood. As long as I stayed focused, I wouldn’t do anything rash. If I showed Crowe I had my emotions under control, he would let me leave the clubhouse, and I could finally see Logan.

It’s been a week. Has he forgotten me?

“You listen here, Tango. I can’t control your thoughts, but I can control your ability to speak. Keep talking that shit, and you won’t have to worry about Bloom.”

I smiled as the room fell quiet. Crowe was an unassuming leader, acting chill and interfering little. Gunner always handled the meetings, but when he took over and reminded them who was boss, that shit made me proud to be one of his brothers. The only man they needed to fear more than me was Crowe.

“One of our own almost died.” Crowe’s Adam’s apple bobbed. Oh hell. I sat up straight, ready to go to him if he needed me. He and Winter were close. They’d been together for longer than the rest of us. What happened to Winter had shaken him up. He cleared his throat. “Sure, what Bloom did got him picked up by the police, but thanks to Ben and the dirt Grimm’s tech guy found on the new chief of police, he got away with it without them poking into his identity. We won’t always be this lucky. We won’t always have leverage to dig everyone out of their hole, so be smart, keep your head down, and walk away when you can. We don’t want to lose any more members when we’re still trying to rebuild this club.”

“Agreed,” Gunner said. “You assholes better listen up. I’ll be the first to kick your ass to the curb if you step out of line.”

“But it ain’t fair. We’re not the one causing the trouble,” Tango said. “Since they came into town, everything’s been shit.”

“You mean the mess they had to clean up after this club got involved in trafficking babies? That aside, you’ve been in the club long enough, but you don’t have a clue about brotherhood. If you can’t figure out what that means, Tango, maybe this club ain’t for you.”

If I weren’t in such a shitty mood, I would have applauded Gunner. Crowe wasn’t in a fuck around mood, so I kept my cool.

I have to get out of here.

“Just a reminder that next month we patch our new pledges,” Gunner said. “We’ll have a meeting with them alone after this. The rest of y’all can clear out.”

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