Page 85 of Gunner

Even in bed, he tried to separate himself from his true feelings by that ridiculous rule of not facing me while I fucked him. If we were going to move past what he’d done today, he had to give me something more.

“You’re a fucking coward!” I shouted after him.

In the past, he’d never backed down from an argument with me. I was counting on that to be unchanged, especially since I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I needed him to meet me halfway. One thing was certain. If he walked out this evening, that would be it. We would never get the chance to find out what this thing brewing between us was.

And it felt a whole lot more than just sex, but I needed time to explore it. To explore him and see what he was made of.

“I’m a coward?” Ben slowly came back into the room. “Then why did I confront Thoms this evening? Why did I take him off the case?”

He had? My mouth dropped open, but I snapped it shut. No need to let him see he caught me by surprise.

“You walk away from every fight when it matters. You have no backbone, and the weak have no purpose but to be devoured.”

“What the fuck did you want me to do, Gunner?” he said, louder than I’d ever heard him speak to anyone. His eyes flashed in anger, his body rigid. “You disregarded all sense of propriety when you crossed the yellow line today and put me in an awkward position.”

“Fuck propriety. I fucked you last night. Walked your dog and brought you breakfast. Do you think I do that shit for just anyone? I fuck around, Ben, and there has never been any breakfast for anyone else. And what do you do? You side with that bastard when he was pointing a gun at me?”

“You think I enjoyed seeing that gun pointed at you? I—I—” His gaze shifted to Candace, and the impenetrable mask was back. “Fuck you. I’m not going to apologize to you when you’re standing there with a woman’s hand wrapped around your junk. If that’s what you want, that’s fucking fine by me, but you don’t sneak into my house—my life—anymore. You choose her, whatever the hell was between us is done.”

“Like hell, we are.” I shoved Candace’s hand away and beat Ben to the door, slamming it shut. “Would it kill you to say what you want and to fight for it?”

“Why should I decide for you where you want to put your fucking dick?” he spat.

I grabbed his hand and forced him to touch my erection. “Because if you want it, it’s yours, but if you claim it, you’re telling me you’re willing to go to war for it. So I’ll ask again. Is this yours, Ben?”

Despite his earlier struggles, he tightened his hand on my cock. He wanted it. I knew he did, but I also saw the wheels turning over and over inside that overanalytical brain of his.

“For fuck’s sake, Ben, make up your mind,” I growled.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “It’s not easy, and everything’s happening too fast. I’m the one with everything to lose."

“Are you? Because it feels like I’m the one losing everything—my whole damn self to you. You don’t get it, do you? That first day we met, I had every intention of putting a bullet in you, but something stopped me. For me to have you in my bed, for you to be here in my room, do you know how much of myself I’ve given up for that?”

None of this was planned. He’d gotten one thing right. Everything happening between us was moving at breakneck speed. I hadn’t even sorted through my turbulent feelings for Ben to decide how to handle our situation, but once the words came out, I knew without a doubt they were true. There was a lot more going on between us than two men who enjoyed fucking each other. I’d slept with so many people but had never felt this sort of connection—energy—flowing both ways.

I wanted Ben. I wanted what he was. Not his job. Not his past with Mason. Just the man who riled me up and put up with my endless bullshit.

We stood on different sides of the law, but if this man reciprocated my feelings, he would be everything to me. That was all I ever wanted. My feelings to be appreciated and returned. Something Mason was never able to give me. Something I’d always refrained from asking for because it would have been futile. But no more. I was tired of the games.

If Ben wanted me, he had to say it. I’d already said enough.

Fuck, how will I live through this if he rejects me?

I’d have to kill him.

Ben swallowed and averted his eyes without a word. Tension ping-ponged between us.

“What exactly do you want from me, Gunner?” he asked.

How much more did I have to spell it out for him? I grabbed him by the neck—a cheap trick, given I knew how much it turned him on—and pinned him to the door at his back. When he turned his face to the side, I leaned forward and spoke directly into his ear. “I want you to not let anyone speak to your man like that ever again.” I gripped his chin and raised his head so he was looking at me. “And you sure as hell don’t walk away when another woman has her hands all over your man. You fight. Fight back like you own me, dammit.”

Fight for me.

Show me that through all the weeks we’ve spent together, through all the quarreling, you felt something.

But Ben said nothing.

“I see.” Releasing him, I stepped back.

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