Page 175 of Gunner

I thanked the nurse, took a deep breath, and stepped through the door.

“Shutting Ben out won’t bring her back. It’ll only cause more pain. You know deep down that he’s not responsible for what happened. The people who are will pay, Jasper. We’ll make them pay.”

Gunner’s voice pulled me firmly into the present. Neither had noticed my arrival yet, and I stopped.

“I just miss her so much. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without her. This was our dream. Get clean, have decent jobs, have a mortgage that’s way more than we can logically afford, and have three kids. She wanted five kids. I told her we would see after we had three. Now I wish I had told her yeah, we could have those five kids.”

Even though he spoke softly, Jasper’s pain was a gong that reverberated through the room. I could see the weight of the world pressing down on his broad shoulders, his eyes sagging with exhaustion.

“Ben’s on his way,” Gunner said. “Will you let him see his nephew?”

Gunner was a proud man. He didn’t ask for anything often. At that moment, hearing the pleading in Gunner’s voice, I’d never been as in love with him as I was then. A calm acceptance settled over me. Gunner was it for me, for better and worse. I could never turn my back on that man.

I must have made a sound because both men turned their heads in my direction. I approached tentatively. Jasper’s red-rimmed, haunted eyes met mine. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “The things I said to you last night—”

“No, don’t apologize.” I embraced him, tears burning behind my eyelids. “You didn’t say anything I wasn’t thinking myself.”

“But if your sister heard me talk to you that way, she would have made me sleep on the couch.”

“She was a hardass, wasn’t she?”

“Sure was.” Jasper smiled weakly. “Come on in. Let me introduce you to your nephew.”

Gunner gave me a tiny shake of his head. “I have a call to make. Go meet your nephew.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. Hopefully, he could see the way I felt about him. Had it not been for him, I might have lost myself somewhere between last night and today.

A nurse met us inside and handed us the disposable protective gowns. We also had to wash our hands before we were allowed inside. Jasper already knew the way, so I followed him to the small cot with the name Baby Boone on the front. The first glimpse of my nephew, cocooned in a soft blanket, stole my breath. Wisps of down hair the color of sun-kissed wheat adorned his tiny head.

“My god, he looks just like her,” I say. “He’s beautiful, Jasper. Do you mind if I touch him?”

“Of course not. He’s your nephew.”

I gently touched the dainty fingers, and he kicked his little legs. He opened his eyes.

“Hey,” I said softly. “It’s your uncle Ben. You’ve got your momma’s eyes.”

I stroked his tiny hand, marveling at the warmth and fragility of his bones. It was a bittersweet moment. My sister was gone, but she’d left a piece of her for us. My throat thickened.

“I won’t ever let anything happen to you,” I said. “That I promise. You’re gonna grow into a smart boy who’d make your mother proud, and when you’re old enough, I’ll tell you all the mischievous things she got into when we were kids.”

Jasper chuckled. “Some of those things might be inappropriate.”

I laughed softly along with him. “You’re so right. What are you naming him?”

“What his mother wanted to name him,” Jasper said. “Grayson Boone.”

“That’s a good name.”

We stayed with the baby until the nurse arrived with his bottle and asked if we wanted to feed him. “You do it,” Jasper said.

“Are you sure? He’s your son.”

“I’m not going to lie, Ben.” He settled the baby into the crook of my arms after I sat. “I’m new to this, and I’ll need all the help I can get so it doesn’t become overwhelming. I want to raise him right.”

“You will. I’m sure you’ll make an excellent father, and you don’t have a shortage of hands whenever you need a break. Promise me you will ask for help.”

“I’ll try.”

---