Page 135 of Gunner

His arm was around my waist, his face set in a serious line, yet I hesitated—burned one too many times to give in so easily.

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the only motherfucker who dared to arrest me and call me out on my bullshit. Even Mason gave me a pass, but you didn’t. I need that sort of honesty from a man if I’m going to commit myself to him. A man I can fully trust to let down my guard with, and that’s you. Problem is, I don’t know what you want from me.”

“That depends. Are you being real with me right now?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“All I want is for you to always choose me. Put me first.”

“Done.”

The word was said with such finality, I had no choice but to believe him.

35

GUNNER

New Year, same old lies. I wish I could start fresh, but I have a feeling I would make the same decisions.

“Ben?”

I patted the bed beside me but could tell even before I did he wasn’t in bed with me. Ben’s body radiated heat, and he slept as close to me as possible, as if wanting to bury himself under my skin—as if he wasn’t there already. The man was a cuddle whore, and I liked it.

I dozed on and off for a few minutes, but then finally shook myself awake. He wasn’t coming back to bed. Where the hell was he?

I flung the sheets from me and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I grabbed a shirt from the floor—more than likely his because it was big enough to cover my balls—and walked out of the bedroom.

Last night when we got home from the AA meeting, we’d talked some more. After, he’d burned Mason’s journal in the fireplace. He’d asked me if I wanted to read it, and I wasn’t sorryto say no. Anything Mason had wanted me to know, he would have said when he was alive. What was the sense of dredging up the past? Nothing in that book would change it, and I sure as hell didn’t want it to shape my future with Ben.

I’d found a man who gave my life meaning and made me happy. Two things I’d never thought anyone could ever give me. That was all I needed to know.

I followed a solitary light from the hall to Ben’s office. The door stood ajar, and I gently pushed it open. He was too absorbed in the information pinned to the board to notice me. He wasn’t wearing a shirt but had thrown on a pair of pajama bottoms that were snug on his ass. Having him once tonight wasn’t enough after going without for two weeks.

Ben mumbled something I didn’t catch. With his hands perched on his hips, he surveyed the information from left to right.

“Fuck!”

He ran his fingers through his hair, his movements clearly showing his frustration. This case would drive him mad if he didn’t solve it.

“Should I be insulted you escaped my bed to do work?”

Ben spun around, his expression grim. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“You should have woken me up.”

“No reason for both of us to wake up exhausted tomorrow.”

“Or I could exhaust both of us to sleep.” I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. Ben leaned into me without thinking. I buried my nose into his hair and inhaled. My god, was this real? I couldn’t even be upset with myself for doing something so uncharacteristic of me with Ben.

I was just so fucking happy, and I never knew I could be. I would never let him go. Not after experiencing him.

“Gunner, if you’re going to be here, at least help me connect the dots and stop sniffing me.”

“Can’t help it. You smell delicious.” I placed a slow kiss at his pulse point behind his ear. It jumped crazily under my lips. “Besides, are you sure you want me to take a look at what you have? What if I’m involved—ugh!”

Ben elbowed me. “Stop with your nonsense. If I believed that, do you think you’d get anywhere close to me? You’re not a saint, but even you have limits.”

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