Page 127 of Gunner

“Getting in bed with you. Figured if I’m gentle, I can fuck you like I’ve wanted to all this time.”

I crossed my legs. “Gunner—”

He crawled up on the bed. I shoved the book at him. “Do you know what’s in here?”

“I don’t need to know.”

“It’s a journal.” I talked fast, trying to distract him—and me—from the fact that he’d kicked his pants off, the thick imprint of his dick straining against his boxer briefs. “Mason kept a journal about us.”

“So? None of that matters anymore. Will you put the book down and spread your legs open?” He placed a hand on my thigh, and my cock jerked.

“Seriously, if you knew what was in here, you’d be a little upset too.”

“I don’t want to read it. I used to obsess about what he did to us both, and look where that got me? Begging for forgiveness and a space between your legs. Nothing good can come from that book.”

“Just let me read an entry to you.”

“And after we can fuck?”

I flipped the pages until I found the entry I wanted.

Today I had lunch with Ben, but I canceled. I could tell he was hurt. It was the third time I’d canceled in a week, but I felt sick to my stomach, thinking about taking him to some obscure restaurant out of town so no one would see us together. He acts like it doesn’t matter, but I can tell he’s hurt by all the secrecy. I feel even more guilty because he thinks I don’t want the world to know I’m seeing him. In a way I don’t, but the world in this case is Gunner. If he finds out I’m seeing Ben, he’ll be livid, especially since Ben has done everything he can in the past to lock him up. I’m afraid the animosity between them will result in one killing the other. Gunner already wanted to kill Ben the first time he arrested him. Luckily, I was able to talk him out of it. Over the years, I’ve done everything to keep them apart, but in the future, I may just be the reason they want to kill each other again.

Gunner wants to meet up later. I told him I’d think about it, but I already knew the answer would be yes. My son’s back in town, and he’s about to send me to an early grave. Everyone expects me to be strong. Even Ben puts me up on a pedestal. Only with Gunner can I fully be me. After all, he’s already seen me at my worst from when we were younger. He knows all my dark secrets, and lately, he’s become a release valve to de-stress from work…from my son and from Ben.

My throat was tight by the time I finished. I closed the book. Gunner was frowning into an abyss of thoughts. My stomach soured, and I felt sick. Was he reminiscing about his dead lover?

I hated this insecurity reading the journal left me. How did it make him feel? He was as innocent as me in Mason’s web of lies. He’d been none the wiser that we were playing the part of the other man.

“What’s going through your mind?” I asked.

Gunner remained silent for a while, but then he scooted to the edge of the bed and presented me with his back.

“I’ll say this again, Ben. What Mason did was messed up. But it’s his mistake, not ours. Frankly, I think he was a big fool for not walking away from me and staying with you. You’re one of the most honest men I’ve ever met. And that’s why I can’t let you go.”

Did he really mean that? Tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, I watched him get dressed. He didn’t bother to put his shoes on but carried them in his hands.

“You’ll probably not take my advice.” He stopped at the door but didn’t turn around. “But I’ll give it anyway. That book’s nothing but trouble. Burn it and forget you read the damn thing. It has nothing to do with us.”

Long after he was gone, I kept staring at the door. I could do what he suggested and burn the book, but what was the sense? Everything I’d read was already uploaded in my brain. I could never forget I’d fallen short for Mason.

33

GUNNER

Ben saw the hickey Gunner left on me. There's no way I should have gotten away with the lie I told him, but Ben's too innocent. He doesn't even see the evidence before him and that makes me feel worse.

The Blood Hounds clubhouse was livelier than I’d seen a party in a long time. The building was already at maximum capacity, but as I finished my cigarette, four scantily clad women walked up the steps.

The brothers would be pleased tonight at least. Since I’d regained focus, the club was back up and running, yet instead of joining the party, I was sitting by myself, far from happy.

Mason had ruined everything. He’d ruined our chance together, and even from the grave, he was interfering with mine and Ben’s relationship. If only Ben hadn’t read that stupid book, everything between us would still be normal. I couldn’t even blame him for the way he felt. His voice had held so much pain when he read the excerpt to me, but what was I supposed to do?Apologize for Mason’s behavior? An apology wouldn’t change a thing between us.

“Hey, man. What are you doing out here? The party’s inside.”

I swallowed my groan as Saint ambled toward me. He was my designated VP, and we interacted more often than with the others, so I was getting used to him. Too used to him.

“Is it a crime to want to be alone?”

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