Tate scrubbed a hand over his face. “And I should believe all this now because…”
“Because I never once tried to break up your relationship with Rachel,” I pointed out. “I’ve never told you this before, but I never thought you two suited— not like the way you and Bryan do. Yet, I never once tried to come between your relationship. You want to know why? We were still close. We did things together, we still had our night out and you’d talk to me about shit, but you left for two years. I had no idea what was going on with you, your attention was solely fixated on Bryan when you returned, and so I saw him as the problem. I thought I was going to lose you.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Not when you think about it. You’ll see that what I’m saying is true. I lost you a little when you found Bryan.” I eased up on the guilt because that was not a good enough reason for what I had done. “I know it doesn’t excuse what I did— what Keith and I did. Nothing can justify it and we’re not looking to do that. I just want to say I am sorry and I’d be honored if I didn’t lose your friendship over this.”
His eyebrows rose. “You expect that after this I will be able to forgive you?”
My optimism plummeted. “I can only hope. If not now, then perhaps some months or years from now. You’ve been my best friend for too long for me to give that up.”
Tate rose to his feet. “This is not something I take lightly, Gio. Bry almost died! Now I’m thinking you allowed yourself to be manipulated by that asshole Keith so he could still try to control him.”
I shook my head, ready to defend Keith. “It was my idea. I visited him a few days after you told me how he kidnapped and slapped Bryan around. I thought he would be the perfect person to help me. You probably won’t believe this. He probably won’t believe it either, but I think he loved Bryan in the way he was capable of loving at the time.”
Tate waved a hand at me. “I don’t know what kind of brainwashing Keith used, but he has you by the balls, Gio, and if I were you I’d be looking for a way to get loose.”
“You mean the way Bryan has you by the balls? I don’t see you trying to get free.”
Tate paused and stared at me in shock. “Are you saying you’re in love with him?”
Having never voiced it before, I inhaled deeply before I answered, “Yes, yes I love Keith.”
Tate groaned and dropped back down onto the couch. “Of all the idiotic things to do, Gio, why would you do that? Keith will destroy you. You saw what he did to Bryan when I brought him to your restaurant.”
I flushed and looked away. “We understand each other.”
“He’s hitting you already, isn’t he, Gio?”
I shrugged. “It goes both ways. We just need to learn how to control our anger. I can’t blame him for it. Plus, he’s gotten a lot better thanks to therapy.”
“All the therapy in the world is not enough to fix that fuck up you’re sleeping with. He’s a sadist!”
I sprang up out of my chair and pointed at Tate in anger. “You don’t know shit about him. Until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes you don’t get to judge him. Not everyone had the support you did in your family, Tate.”
“Tate’s right, you know,” Bryan remarked, re-entering the living room. “Sorry for butting in, but I could overhear you yelling at each other, and I have to say, Gio, I believe your apology for what you did is heartfelt.”
“Thanks for that,” I told him. At least someone believed me.
“But, I do believe you’re making a big mistake by falling in love with Keith.” He approached me. “I’ve lived with him for six months, and he’s a depraved maniac who won’t hesitate to smack you around for the slightest reason, and God forbid he gets into a rage.”
“You don’t know the real Keith like I do.”
“I think I know him better than you do,” Bryan insisted. “I lived with him for half a year. You’ve been with him for what? A few weeks?”
“Listen to Bryan, Gio. Besides, once you’re with him we cannot continue this friendship.”
I stared at Tate in disbelief at his ultimatum. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing on earth that will let me give up Keith. You two don’t know him.” I pointed at Bryan. “I don’t care how long you’ve lived with him. You never took the time to understood the man he is and what he needed.” I glanced between them frantically. “Is he an easy man to love? Hell no, but there's more to him than meets the eye. If you’ve been through half the shit he’s been through, then you would be less judgmental. He’s been through some crazy things, Tate.”
“So have you, and so have I,” he answered. “We all go through them. It doesn’t give an excuse to go around hurting other people.”
I shook my head at him. “No, not like the things he went through. I can’t talk about it with you, okay? That’s something privately shared between us, but there’s substance there. It’s not easy to find in him, but behind all that layer of bullshit he displays, there’s a man who gives a shit. I am not saying we are excused from what we did because of it. We aren't, but it's worth it to try to understand him.”
“Jesus, there’s no talking you out of this suicide mission you’re on, is there?” Tate asked.
“Sometimes we have to face death to learn the beauty of living.” Tate observed me as if I had sprung another head. “Look, I don’t need you to accept it, I just need you to respect it, the way I should have respected you and Bryan being together. If you can’t do that then yeah, our friendship might not have been as strong as I thought.”
“Gio, it’s too soon.”
I nodded my understanding. It sucked that I wasn’t leaving here with things back to the way they were before, but I still felt better for coming. “Fine. Thanks for at least listening to what I have to say, and I wish you guys all the best.”
Walking away had never felt better.