Chapter Twenty-Four
(Keith)
Life dragged on without Gio. Everything went back to normal, but there was nothing normal about the way I felt. Hollow and so fucking tired all the time. I was moody without the bark, irritated without the sharp tongue ready to cut down anyone who pissed me off. I worked all day and slept soundly at night. I ate bad food or none at all, and I had only one person to talk to, my therapist.
The doorbell rang as I dressed for work, and a part of me hoped it was Gio. I scowled at my stupid heart which refused to forget the man who had taught it how to beat to the rhythm of love. I didn’t regret loving him. He had taught me that I was lovable. It was just impossible to be with a man knowing I had almost killed his father. I had told him the whole story, but it was a different matter altogether to explain that man was his dad. He always spoke about the close relationship between his mother and his father. I would only ruin that relationship since it was now obvious his father had lied to his family about how he had gotten hurt that night.
I’d casually tried to ask Gio about his father’s scars, and he’d not seemed to know much beyond that he had been left for dead because of a business associate and a deal gone bad. I could have told him that was all lies, but he seemed content believing that. Who was I to further break down a relationship between father and son even though Arcuri was one mean son-of-a-bitch?
I pulled my undershirt over my head as I answered the door. I sighed, irritated when I found Tony outside.
“What do you want?” I asked him.
“Other than to say thanks for getting me that job at Ingram’s?” He entered without me inviting him. The little shit really was getting ahead of himself.
“I told you that the job was already yours.”
“Well, regardless, I got the call yesterday confirming that I’ll start on Monday.” He beamed at me, feeling proud of himself. He was like a little annoying brother to me, and I wondered why I even put up with him.
“Congrats, now fuck off, little booger.”
I didn’t wait for him to leave but stalked back to my bedroom to finish getting dressed.
“You’re moody as hell these past days,” he commented, following me to my bedroom. “Are you and Gio fighting?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but we broke up.”
“You did? Gosh, I’m sorry.”
I drew the last knot of my tie to turn around and find myself right before Tony. Before I knew what he was about he landed his hand to my crotch and rubbed. The sensation automatically caused a rise out of my cock.
“What the hell are you doing?” I knocked away his hand.
He shrugged. “You’ve done so much for me, I just thought to repay you and make you stop frowning.”
I scowled at him. “Save your gratitude kid. I’m not interested. Please leave. Unless there’s something you want— and I’m not talking about me— don’t return.”
Just having a rise at his touch made me feel like I was betraying Gio which was foolish considering we were no longer an item. It was good while it lasted, but there was no reason I couldn’t strip Tony, press him into the mattress and fuck him like his eyes begged me to. Except that was the bed where Gio had given me what nobody else ever had. He wasn’t even the only one I’d ever fucked in that bed, but he was the only one who mattered. I couldn’t destroy the memories between us.
Boundaries. I needed them between Tony and myself if he was going to get personal. I’d only helped him because he reminded me so much of myself. The first time I’d brought him home with me I had every intention of fucking him within an inch of his life, but since having him around, I saw him as nothing than a kid brother to guide.
I dropped by my therapist before work and had a session I wasn’t too proud of. She had advised me from day one that I needed to express myself to be helped. Talking through things were in itself a form of therapy. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her more than the fact that Gio and I broke up. I refused to speak about the details and it left both of us frustrated and drained at the end of our session.
“Keith, I can’t help you if you don’t talk,” she said as I walked to the door. “It’s okay if you can’t talk about it just now, but if you have any hopes to fix your relationship with Gio, I have to understand what we are dealing with here.”
My hand on the doorknob, I turned to her. “I found out Gio’s father is a man I thought I left for dead twenty years ago. Both were a shock. Coming face to face with the man behind my episodes and finding out he’s Gio’s father. You’ll have forty-eight hours to think about how you plan to coach me through this one, doc.”
I didn’t miss the shock on her face before I walked out. She was a therapist who would have heard all sorts of stories. That she showed shock at what I revealed to her only told me what I already knew. This was bigger than anything most people faced. This was bigger than Gio and I could survive.
At the office, I plunged into work. The temp girl who came three days a week called in sick so I had to do everything on my own. I didn’t mind. I craved the solitude and the work that kept my focus away from everything else. It was best to focus on things I actually had some control over. I had no desire to deal with my emotions as even those I couldn’t control. If I could, I would have made myself stop loving Gio because it hurt. Loving and wanting someone that I could never have was an elusive dream that drove me insane.
I worked past lunch, not feeling particularly hungry. I just grabbed another coffee from the lunch room, spoke to no one and headed back to my office. I barely sat when there was a knock on my door.
“Come in!” I called, hoping whoever it was I could get rid of them easily enough.
The door opened, and Bryan stepped in. I scowled at him, wondering what he wanted. I didn’t have the time nor the energy to stir up the murky waters of our relationship. I had already acknowledged what I had done to him was wrong. I should never have laid a hand upon him.
“I have nothing to say to you,” I told him and returned to my computer. It was a lie since I had several things I could tell him. Usually, I would have tried to embarrass him by now or debase him about the things he allowed me to do to him, but not this time. If anything, I owed him an apology. I was unsure if he would accept an apology from me though. Gio had told me he and Tate both gave him hell when he tried to apologize. Given Gio had done way less to them than me, I figured I had no way in hell of sneaking an apology in there. I’d been an abusive boyfriend while Bryan and I were together. I winced just thinking about the day I’d confronted him at Tate’s cabin and forced him down the mountain with me. Thinking about it made me sick to the stomach.