How to respond and be completely honest. For all his assholery, Keith knew what he was doing when it came to sex. We had an active sex life and often more satisfied than not.
“It’s not the be all end all for me,” I answered. “It’s neither here nor there for me to incorporate toys in the bedroom. That was largely what Keith wanted. I’m not saying it cannot be enjoyed. It can but if I never use any of that stuff again it won’t make me any less happy. In fact, I’m already happier with you than I’ve ever been with Keith.”
“I see.”
But did he really? I sighed because there was really nothing I could say to him right now to drag him out of the mood he was in. Unless…
I reached across the table for his hands and squeezed them until he was looking at me. He looked sullen, contemplative and moody all thanks to Keith. Now it was up to me to fix things.
“When I walked into your company today, do you know the first thing I felt?”
He frowned at me but at least I had his attention now. “What are you talking about?”
“I looked at that wall of Rosenbaums and I saw history. I saw the place where you were taught you belonged and someday you’ll be on that wall and everyone will remember you as a Rosenbaum.”
“What are you getting at, Bry?”
He had called me Bry. I smiled, relieved he didn’t hate me. I pushed ahead and for the first time delved into my past. “I don’t have any of that, Tate. I have no idea where I’m from. I never knew my dad. My mom tried as best as she could, I think, but one day she just left me on the steps of a police station. I was six years old. She told me to stay put and that she would return soon. I grew up in the system, group homes, foster homes, changing homes so often I’ve lost count of how many there were.”
His eyes reflected surprise. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “It’s something I don’t talk about ever. I’ve never told Keith any of this. It doesn’t make for pleasant conversation and most times I just want to pretend I come from a normal background. But there are times I get this big old ache in my chest, that feeling that reminds me I came from nothing. Do you know why I’m pushing so hard to find a job? Don’t you think I want to take that job you offered? But I can’t because it will leave me wondering, still feeling like I’m a nothing that you had to rescue. I’d feel like I have no value outside of you.” I paused, a chill running through my body as I bared my soul before him. “And what if- what if I place all this trust in you and one day you no longer want me? What if one day you look at me and decide you want to trade up for a newer model? Where would that leave me? And you know why that would be more devastating than what I went through with Keith? Because I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Even though my feelings for him must have been apparent at some point or another, he looked shocked at my confession. He didn’t speak, just stared at me while holding onto my hands. Before Keith had interfered, I’d have been certain he would have repeated those words to me as well. Now he said nothing. I tugged my hands from his and rose to my feet so quickly I almost upset my chair. I grabbed for it before the chair crashed to the floor.
“I- need to use the restroom,” I strangled out and fled to the male bathroom. I looked neither left nor right. I’d never told anyone before that I loved them. Not even my first boyfriend Chris back in high school, and I had loved him as well as any teenager loved back then. In some ways I felt relieved I had finally gotten it off my chest, but then I also was too terrified to wait for him to respond. What if he had changed his mind about me, no longer seeing a value in me? How could I blame him and expect him to see what I didn’t even see in me?
Once in the bathroom, I leaned against the vanity and stared into the wide mirror. I looked as terrified as I felt and even my stomach felt queasy. If I didn’t settle down, I’d bring back up every morsel of food I just ate. I splashed some cold water from the faucet in my face and then dried my skin with the handkerchief in my pocket. The door opened when I was folding the handkerchief to put away.
I froze when Tate entered the bathroom. He looked so damn serious and I wished he would run one of his jokes laced with sexual innuendo. I wished I had the guts to make one of those jokes, but it wouldn’t distract him. Not this time. I stood still as he approached me. He didn’t stop until he was beside me. Our eyes met and held in the mirror, and my heart lurched. Before he spoke, I saw the love in them. At least, I dared to believe it was love.
“You didn’t wait to hear what I had to say.”
I hung my head. “Maybe because it’s easier sometimes not to hear the truth. Then we can pretend the unspoken is what we want to hear.”
“Would you not rather hear it even if we share the same version of the truth? That I love you.”
Now I understood his own reaction when I had confessed to him that I loved him. I couldn’t move. Never would I have thought I’d hear a confession of love in a public bathroom, but there it was. Tate had said it. He loved me. I wasn’t sure who moved first but I ended up in his arms, kissing him.
“Ahem, as much I’m enjoying the show guys, you might wanna take this home,” a stranger entered the restroom and commented loud enough to be heard over the lust pounding through our veins.
I smiled against Tate’s lips. “Let’s do it.”