Page 71 of Teacher of the Year

I glance over at Nick and back at Jill and give her my are-we-really-talking-about-this-in-front-of-the-straight-guy? look.

“Dude, it’s all good,” Nick says. “Actually, I’m about to go look for some breakfast.” And he slips out.

“Spill it.”

“Yes, yes, we’ve had sex. A few times.”

“Marvin, you had sex with that gorgeous specimen of a man?”

“Um, hello, your husband isn’t chopped liver either.”

“Valid. Now tell me everything.”

“We’ve had sex, all of it. I mean, one of the times was after his parent conference.”

I give a wide-showing-all-my-teeth-oops smile.

“You fucking harlot! I love it. Wait, where were you?”

“In the printer closet.”

“That’s so hot.”

“It was, actually.”

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“I mean if I knew that, I wouldn’t be asking you. I have no clue. I’m without a clue. I’m Alicia-Silverstone-level clueless.” I sigh heavily and hope Jill has some words of wisdom.

“I mean he did tell you. Maybe not as quickly as you’d like, but you said he’s sober now?”

“Yeah, for almost a year.”

Jill shrugs and says, “Marvin, I know you have all these issues around drinking because of your mom, and I’m not trying to downplay that, but maybe this guy is worth working through them. Maybe Olan is an opportunity to face and overcome some of this. Or maybe not. He did tell you. And he’s sober. I don’t know. I can’t tell you what to do.”

“Um, hello, that’s literally our thing. You tell me what to do all the time.”

“Well, I can’t. Not with this. I know what recovery means to you. But also, you haven’t dated anyone seriously since Adam. I see your eyes when you talk about him. Do you love him?”

Love? Why did she have to bring up the L-word? My feelings for Olan are growing, but why does it feel difficult for me to admit it, even to myself? Is this because Adam betrayed me? My father abandoning me? I’m not sure.

“Do I love him?”

“Listen, I’m lying in a hospital bed. Don’t do Fiddler with me.”

“I don’t know. I love being with him. I love the idea of him. Maybe I love him? Is that enough?”

“You have to decide that.”

“You’ve been extremely helpful,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“I love you, too.”

Jill squeezes my hand, and I’m overwhelmed with affection for her and our friendship but still incredibly perplexed about Olan. I started to really let my guard down, and this reaction came from my gut. I’m supposed to listen to my gut, right? But then there’s Olan and how incredibly wonderful he’s been. Why can’t someone simply make all my tough life decisions for me?

Chapter23

A real trooper, Kristi watches my class the entire morning with no sub plans. As I arrive back, she looks slightly frazzled with a few of her thick waves hanging askew. Four picture books and extra recess and Choice Time was her strategy and no doubt the kids weren’t complaining. They probably felt like they’d hit the lottery.

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