Page 106 of Extreme Romancing in Idaho

“I won’t have you ruining your lives because of me.” Each breath he took labored in and out of him.

I slumped into the chair. “Papa. Why did you sell our land? Our home? It’s not enough I have to say goodbye to you. I have to lose my home. My land. Mae …” Without a place to put her, I’d have to sell my one friend who’d always been there for me, the only living thing who understood me. Words weren’t needed to communicate with her. She sensed my every need. Without this farm, I was a boat without water, a cheese grater without any cheese. Useless.

I looked to Mama. Her cheeks shined in wet tears. “Did you know?”

She nodded. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” She placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Mama, I—”

“Remington works for Cockrell Development Company.”

“I know. I’ve known for a long time. What do you think I was doing this whole summer?” I glanced over my shoulder at her. “I was trying to chase him off.”

Papa’s body started shaking. My heart pounded in my throat. Was he having a seizure? I relaxed as the first of his wispy laughs became audible. “Some job you did. You made the boy fall in love with you.”

I shook my head. If Remi loved me, he wouldn’t have done this. “What did he tell you?”

“He loves you. Asked for my permission. To marry you.” Papa coughed, his voice growing weaker, each phrase proceeded by a rattling breath. “You going to tell him—yes?”

“Hell no. He’s taking everything from me.” I gripped the sides of my head. “I spent the entire summer trying to get Dan to propose so you could be at my wedding. He did. And I turned him down. I want to make you happy, but I just don’t think I can marry either of them.” I threw my hands in the air then let them fall to the mattress.

Papa pressed his lips together and ran his tongue over their cracked surface. “Nora? Would you mind. Give us time alone?”

“I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything.” Mama rubbed his legs which were draped in blankets.

“Oh, and Nora?”

“Yes?” Mama paused mid-step.

“I love you … Always and forever.”

Life sucked. It was so unfair. Love didn’t prevent tragedy. It enhanced it. My parents had just celebrated their thirty-ninth wedding anniversary. They’d made such plans for forty, but Papa wouldn’t make it.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. My tears turned back on like a switch had been flipped.

Mama’s chin quivered. “Always and forever,” she repeated and left the room.

“I didn’t mean to put so much pressure on you. About being at your wedding.” Papa took a raspy breath. “My greatest wish is for you to find happiness. With or without a man in your life.”

“I want what you and Mama have—”

“You will.” Patting my hand, Papa lifted his head from his pillow, his neck barely able to support it. “Don’t rush it. A wedding isn’t all that important. My greatest dream was for you to find a love like your Mama and I have. And you did that. We both know you’re in love with Remi.”

“I do not love him.” If I said it loudly and with enough authority, it became truth.

“Now you’re lying to me on my deathbed,” Papa quipped and laughed softly.

“I’m so afraid. What if it all goes bad?”

“Don’t be. Afraid.” He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. “Remi’s a good guy. His better qualities came out this growing season. He’s your other half, and it’ll work out.” He fell back into his pillow. “But if not, focus on making your dreams come true, not mine. You can’t keep pushing yourself like you have. Nursing and farming. Too much. You’re killing yourself off.” He took a rattling breath and briefly closed his eyes. “The farm was my adventure. It’s time you go and find yours. We both know your calling is to save babies.”

He was right. Remi had actually shown it to me. He’d gotten so excited about the emerging corn, but I hadn’t. Not like I used to. Each plant bogged my spirits down with more work. In the NICU, I couldn’t describe the feeling of saving a baby’s life. It. Was. Magic. Even with the few tragic losses, my work there fulfilled me. And Papa knew it. He’d always understood me better than myself.

“I don’t understand,” I began, my voice cracking.

“What don’t you … understand?”

“Why do you have to die? And now you’re taking all our memories away from me too. I can’t. I can’t do this without you. Without my safe place.” I wiped my eyes and nose with my sleeve, too angry and hurt to look at the man I’d idolized my entire life.

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