Page 2 of Some Like It Hott

I think about all the times I made Lloyd reassure me that there was nothing going on between him and Susie, when all along?—

“There’s nothinglike thatgoing on between me and Susie,” he says. “I swear it. She’s having a tough morning, and I was trying to give her some comfort. Susie and I—we’re just—” He puts a hand on my arm. “Iswearto you. There’s nothing physical between us.”

I freeze, not because of his hand on my arm but because I’ve finally absorbed where he put the emphasis in that sentence. Not onnothing, but onphysical. And something in my chest clenches, hard, and…breaks.

“Nothingphysical,” I repeat, barely managing to keep my voice from cracking.

“I swear it.”

I will not cry. I will not. “I saw you, Lloyd. I walked in and I saw you together, and I didn’t even recognize you because I was looking for my boyfriend who was here with his coworker, and what I saw was two people holding hands with their heads tilted close together, looking like they were head over heels for each other. So maybe you should explain that.”

“It’s not what you think. We’re not—we haven’t crossed any lines…” he says.

“Cheating doesn’t have to be physical.”

Lloyd’s eyes flick guiltily from side to side. “It’s notcheatingto get different things from different people,” he says. “You and I, we’regoodtogether.”

I know he meansin bed, and for the first time, it doesn’t feel like a compliment. How many times has he told me I’m getting the best of him and the rest of him…and meant the leftovers?

I close my eyes and groan inwardly.

So, so many times.

“We havefuntogether, Natalie. Don’t throw that away because there are some things I can talk about more easily with someone who isn’t you. I mean, wouldn’t you rather be the fun girl than the one who has to listen to me blather about heavy shit?”

He’s earnest. He means it. He’s looking at me with big pleading eyes, while he tells me that I’m the sexy fun-times girl and she’s the real thing.

God. Ow. All the joy I felt twenty minutes earlier has been sucked out of me, leaving behind the pain in my chest and a big, empty feeling.

“What you’re saying,” I say slowly, so there won’t be any confusion, “is that you’re in love with her but fucking me?”

He tilts his head, like he’s giving it some thought. “I mean, that’s a strong way to put it. I think you’re emotional right now.”

Oh, no, he didn’t.

At least I’m not empty now. I’mmad.

He nods, like he’s agreeing with himself. “If I were characterizing it, I’d say I’m getting different things from each of you. Which is what relationships are about, right? Different people give you different things. It’s not healthy to get everything you need from one person.”

Someday, I tell myself,you will think of this moment and laugh.

Today is not that day.

“Go to hell, Lloyd.”

“Natalie,” he says, both hands out. Placating.

“Don’t,” I say again.

The anger morphs back into pain—and fear—as I slowly register my situation.

My boyfriend is emotionally cheating on me.

My boyfriend is also my roommate—and the apartment where we live is my home.

My bank account is in the single digits. Not only do I not have the money to go back to school (step two in the Get Serious About a Career Plan), but I have no money for first and last months’ rent plus a security deposit.

There’snoway I’m asking my parents for money or a place to stay. My pride won’t let me. I know how they feel about me, my job, my choices. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to know?—

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