Page 82 of Hold on Tight

“Maybe you walked away too quickly from him,” Jake said.

“Jesus, Jake,stop. Stop with Aaron. We’re not talking about Aaron. We’re talking about you. You and me.”

“We’re talking about you and Sam.”

“Andyou.”

“No,” he said. “We’re not talking about me. I’m not on the table here.”

She was crying now.

“I can’t give you what he’s offering.”

“I don’t need you to give me what he’s offering,” she said. “I want whatyou’reoffering.”

Her voice, her face, her raised handspleadedwith him, and something cracked behind his ribs, and he wanted to put his hands over his chest to hold the pieces together.

“I told you from the beginning. I can’t give you—” Damn it, his voice wasnotgoing to fucking break on him right now. “We talked about this. We said it was about sex and Sam. We’ve known each other, what, a few weeks? The fact that my genes happen to be in Sam—”

Her face shifted, fault lines showing, but he kept talking. “That’s not as important as all the time you and Sam spent with Aaron.”

“You’re talking me into staying with him.”

“I guess I am.”

“You’re telling me what I want.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“God damn it, Jake, I told you not to fucking do that.”

He was startled by her vehemence. Her anger.

Her voice was low, hard. Her jaw set. “Don’t you tell me what I want and what I deserve. Don’t make this about me.”

And he heard it now, the echo of the first night he’d kissed her.Just man up and say you don’t want this.

Just man up.

Just man up.

If he’d done what he should have done, Mike would be alive. He’d have two whole legs.

If he had done what he should have done that night at the lake, or afterward, when he’d dropped her off, how would things be different now?

He couldn’t know that. He could only start from here and make the best decision he could, do the best that he knew how by the people he loved.

He steadied his voice and made it hard as iron. “You know what? You’re right. I’m being a wimp about this. I should just be honest with you. This is getting too complicated. We said we’d keep it simple, but we both know it’s not.”

She’d stopped crying. She was pissed.

“That’s right,” she said. “You’ve been honest with me all along. And that’s all that matters, right? You never lied to mein words.”

And her anger was clarifying, like a cool drink of water, like Mike’s anger would have been if Jake had sent him home. He’d been afraid of Mike’s anger but he wasn’t afraid of hers, because it was the price he had to pay for setting her free, for doing what was right for her and for Sam.

He could pay this price.

“Okay,” he said.

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