Page 91 of Hold on Tight

He remembered how Mira had put it, on the beach, after he’d told her the truth about how his leg had been lost, how Mike had died.You came home and managed to stay alive.

He had, but he understood now that that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough that he hadn’t put a gun to his head, that he hadn’t drunk himself to death. It wasn’t enough to sketch the outlines of living, to rise in the morning, eat three meals, and go to sleep at night. It wasn’t enough to find purpose in the things that merely happened to fall in your lap, to take on responsibilities because they were handed to you on a silver platter and made you forget, for a few days, that you had been booted, unceremoniously, from your own life but had never quite figured out what came next.

Mira and Sam deserved a hell of a lot more than that.

When Sam had asked him what he was scared of, he hadn’t had to think more than a second before he’d known the answer. The real answer.

Deciding to live.

Chapter 29

“Mira, please talk to me.”

It would have been better if it were Jake at the other end of the phone begging, if only so she could hang up on him, but it was her father.

Three weeks had passed. Three weeks since the beach, since Aaron had shown up with the ring, since Jake had walked away. Two and a half weeks since she’d sent Aaron packing. Ten days since thefirstnew babysitter had fallen asleep on the couch and Sam had taken a bus downtown. The second new babysitter—Opal’s second cousin’s teenage daughter from Everett—was so far competent, if uninspired.

Mira went through the motions, heading to work, eating lunch with Opal on the bench, coming home, taking care of Sam. Missing Jake every minute of every day. When it came time to pick up takeout. When she cleared the table. When she sat on the couch, when she tucked Sam in, when she got into bed. When she trailed her fingers over her belly and thighs and remembered not just the sensation of him on her and in her, but all that had surrounded it—his roughness, his bossiness, the awkwardrealness of it. That sense of connection, of dissolved boundaries, of emotion running through her like her own blood.

She hadn’t spoken to her parents since Jake had walked away, because she couldn’t face them. Because she couldn’t bear their sympathy, couldn’t bear to have her father know, even if he didn’t say so, that he’d been right.

But now he was on the other end of the line, and as much as she wanted to hang up on him, she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.

Her father cleared his throat. “Lani says I haven’t been fair to you.”

As an apology, that didn’t go far, but she waited.

“I didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself. I just waded in, guns blazing.”

“Yeah, you did,” she said. Not that if she’d had a chance to explain it, things would have gone much differently.

What the hell is Jake doing there?

Exactly what you think. Getting some, as long as things don’t get too complicated.

He sighed. “And she’s right. I know she’s right. If you trust Jake with Sam, we need to trust him too. I owe both of you an apology.”

A few weeks ago, she would have been ecstatic to hear those words come out of her father’s mouth. Now …

Well, now it hardly mattered.

Still, it was nice, and it was rare for her father to admit he’d been wrong, even under pressure from Lani, so she said, “Thanks, Dad.”

“So—do you want to tell me about it?”

“There’s not much to tell.”

There was a long silence. Then he said, “I know Aaron proposed.”

Damn it, three thousand miles couldn’t keep her father out of her business, and she thanked the gods and the stars and the rest of the powers out there that she’d broken up with Aaron in Florida and refused to let him back in. “What—did he ask your permission first?”

She’d been aiming for teasing, but her voice came out harsher than she’d intended, and her father was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “No. He told us he was going to fly out to see you. That was all we knew. But when he got back—it was obvious things hadn’t gone well for him. He said you’d—turned him down. Mira, why?”

“Because …” She hesitated, too long. “Because I don’t love him.”

“Is this about Jake?”

“No. Saying no to Aaron hadnothingto do with Jake.”

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