Page 87 of Holding Out

“No.No, it’s okay.I think.”

“You don’t look okay.”

Griff didn’tfeelokay.He was exhausted from the emotional conversation with Marina, which had bled over into the drive to Astoria.Then he’d had to see the house—the living room where he’d stood, note in hand, the kitchen where he and Marina had eaten dinner on the floor their first night in the house.And yet, the house now wasnotthat house, because it had been transformed into something completely different by Scott and Marina.They’d repainted, remodeled the kitchen—made it super homey and super personal, just like he might have done one day with Marina if—

If things had turned out differently.

Scott hadn’t been around—he was still at work—so Marina had single-handedly helped Griff carry stuff up from the basement and load it into his truck and her car.With effort and both vehicles, they’d been able to get the whole thing done in one trip, but even so it was after five by the time they finished unloading everything into Griff’s room.

And now it was all here, crowding him, making it hard to breathe.

“It started out so well,” Griff said.“You know?I mean, we were crazy in love.”

Jake nodded.

“But she’s right.We were young.When we first met, I didn’t even know I was going into the army, and she didn’t know—I mean, how would she have—that she was going to want someone who could be around so much more than I could be.”

“It happens,” Jake said.“Mira and I didn’t get it right the first time.”

Griff closed his eyes.“Maybe that’s part of it.That part of me thought I was going to get a second chance, but the truth is, you don’t, always.I’m not going to.This is justit.”He gestured to the roomful of stuff.“Me and all my shit in this—couldn’t you have built these fucking rooms a little bit bigger?”

Jake laughed, and it eased something in Griff’s chest.“And what if I—what if I don’t get it right with Becca, either?”

“You will,” Jake said.“You have to.I bet Mira you guys would make it work.I have both money and sexual favors riding on it.”

Griff rolled his eyes.“TMI, man, TMI.”He hesitated.“But seriously.I—I don’t think I can do it again, you know?Survive it again.”

To his chagrin, his voice broke.Apparently once you let it all hang out, it was out there for good.

“You could,” Jake said simply.“You’re a survivor.”

“I know, but what if I don’t want to be?What if I don’t want to do that ever again?I asked her to think about staying and she, I don’t know, she said she would, but I’m not sure she meant it.”

Jake’s eyes were sympathetic, which only made Griff feel worse.

“You’ve had a tough day, Griff.Let’s go to Friday Night Dinner and get some amazing food and as soon as you see Becca, you’ll know it’s going to be all right.”

Griff wished he had Jake’s faith, the faith of a man who’d been happily married now for a long time, who’d won the woman he’d always wanted and who never doubted it.But right now, he just wanted to sit in this recliner by himself for the rest of his life.

Jake held out a hand.“C’mon, man.Let’s go.”

Griff grasped the hand and let himself be yanked unceremoniously upright.

“On your feet, soldier,” Jake said, and despite himself, Griff smiled.

41

As soon as Becca stepped into her sister’s kitchen, the tears she’d been holding back clogged up her throat and threatened to fall, and she knew she’d been dumb to think she’d be able to pretend nothing was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”Alia asked.

“Nothing,” Becca said.

“You’re full of shit,” Alia said, narrowing her eyes.“What’s wrong?”

Becca shook her head.If she told the story—Marina showing up in the office, Griff and Marina going somewhere “to talk,” seeing them, three hours later coming out of Griff’s room together—Alia would look at her with a face full of pity and she would fall apart into a million tiny pieces.New Becca expressly forbade that.

“Does this have to do with Griff and Marina?”Nate asked quietly.

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