Page 56 of Holding Out

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you lost your virginity!”

“I didn’t tell you because—”

Alia bit her lip.“I know, I know.Because you were afraid that I’d freak out, just like Iamfreaking out.I’m sorry.I’m just so used to—”

They both knew how that sentence ended.I’m just so used to taking care of you.Being your mom.

Not for the first time, Becca thought about the toll that being a surrogate mom had taken on Alia.All that lost childhood, all those missed opportunities to cut loose and have fun.Always having to be the responsible one.And Becca hadn’t been an easy child with all her—challenges.She knew it had been hard for Alia, later, to let down her guard with Nate, to quit being the one doing the caretaking and let him in to take care of her.

“How did this all come about?”Worry lines still etched Alia’s forehead.

Becca gave her sister the bare minimum details to fill her in—how she’d asked Griff for the V-card favor, how he’d refused, how he’d changed his mind.

For some reason, she didn’t tell Alia that CJ’s interest had provoked Griff’s about-face.She left out dirty archery, the Met steak dinner, the beautiful hotel room, the flashback, last night’s soul-baring conversation.Those details didn’t feel relevant.They felt like they belonged to her and Griff alone.

“And it was—good?”

Becca settled once again on, “Yup.”

“Look at you!You’re blushing!”Alia narrowed her eyes.“But you’re sure you’re not going to fall for him.”Her tone was fussy with anxiety.

“I’mnotgoing to fall for him.Stop looking at me like that!It’s the twenty-first century.Tinder.Swipe freakin’ right.Women do this kind of thing all the time.And Griff was totally up-front with me.He doesn’t do serious, he doesn’t do relationships.”

The last thing Becca wanted was for Alia to rip Griff a new one the next time she saw him.It was going to be awkward enough for the two of them.Nothing like a friendship where you’ve seen the other person’s O-face.

“Yeah,” Alia said thoughtfully.“His ex-wife pretty much destroyed him.You know the story, right?”

“Sort of?Only what you and Nate have told me.He came home from Afghanistan and she was gone.”She wasn’t sure she wanted to know more.She’dalmostasked him last night,In the flashbacks, do you see your ex-wife?But she hadn’t wanted to pry.She’d been grateful for what he’d told her already—and afraid to find out just how much he still cared for Marina.

“That’s the gist.They were high school sweethearts.Marina didn’t want him to enlist and she hated that he was gone so much.It was during that period of long deployments—like eighteen months long, and then back out again almost as soon as he’d been home.She couldn’t get used to being an army wife.She wasn’t good at playing nice with the other army wives and she was lonely.They fought about it for years, and finally she gave him an ultimatum.Her, or the army, but he couldn’t have both.He told her he cared more about her and that he’d get out.”

For some reason, that detail made Becca’s stomach hurt.Not that she needed more evidence than she’d seen on Saturday night that Griff had loved—didlove—Marina with his whole being.But she didn’t love hearing it said aloud.

“He’d finished his active obligation, so he made a clean break.Flew home all ready to make a life with her, have kids, really settle down.He walked into the house and—” Alia threw her arms open.“It was empty.Marina was gone, her stuff was gone.There was a note.”

“What did the note say?”

She was torturing herself, she knew.She wasn’t going to hear anything that would change the narrative.Whatever had gone through Marina’s head, Griff had been heartbroken by her leaving.

Alia sighed.“That she’d met someone else.That she’d been too young when they’d gotten married and she hadn’t known yet what she really wanted and needed.And now she did.”

Jesus, she didn’t even want to picture it.Griff walking into an empty house, finding only a note.The way she imagined it, it was night.And cold.She could see him, standing in the middle of the room, a slip of paper clutched in his hand, trying to make sense out of betrayal.

Who had that woman been, the one who’d made Griff want to settle down, who’d made him willing to quit the army?Who he sought with his eyes and his heart when he was most terrified?

Becca wanted to hate Marina for hurting Griff.He tried to come off as tough, and maybe most of the time he succeeded, but Becca had seen his tender side.He was the kind of guy who’d take a girl out for dinner before he took her virginity, who would buy her pretty lingerie so that she’d have something clean and dry to put on afterward.He was the kind of guy who would hold himself responsible for wartime deaths on his watch.The kind of guy who didn’t want Becca to sell herself short.

That kind of guy was sensitive enough to get his heart torn apart and still pine for the woman who’d done it.

But there had to be another side to the story—Marina’s side—and Becca thought she might be able to see it.It must have been hard to love a man like Griff and have him be gone for months, if not years, at a time.To have him choose thatgonenessover and over, when she was begging him to stay.

It hurt to think about.

Becca looked up to find Alia watching her.“He’s a good guy,” Alia said.“It’s just, I know from Nate that he keeps himself—um—prettybusy, and in the time that I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him get emotionally invested in anyone.”

Becca knew all that, but hearing Alia say it aloud made her feel sick.

He’s totally not over her.He’d take her back in a heartbeat if she asked.

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