They should have warned me.
They should have said, He’s still in love with her.It’s only a matter of time…
Two by two, the bridesmaids and groomsmen come down the aisle. Trevor’s brother, Trevor’s best friend—both of whom were in our wedding, too. A man I loved like a brother, a man I considered one of my close friends. I know they’re not the kind of men who “take sides,” but let’s face it, I lost them in the divorce. They were Trevor’s to begin with, and now they’re Trevor’s and Helen’s.
Someoneshould have warned me.
Someone should have said, He’s marrying you because you’re pregnant, but he secretly wants to get back with her…
The processional ends and the wedding march begins, and suddenly, there is Helen, on her father’s arm.
Helen’s beautiful, and I don’t mean it in a bitter way. She’s beautiful. She wears a long, white column dress, with a high-necked tank, that most women wouldn’t be able to pull off. You have to be really tall and skinny for a dress like that, and Helen does it. What’s more, the dress is completely unadorned—no beading, no ruffles, no lace. Just Helen’s perfect body and the dress. Her hair is in an updo, and her makeup is flawless. She glows as she comes down the aisle toward Trevor, and he looks back at her with adoration on his face…
He never looked at me like that. Not once. Not even at our wedding. I mean, he smiled at me; of course he did. His eyes were warm. But this is different.
It makes me hurt all over, and for an instant I want to run out of the church, get as far away from here as possible.
I should have seen the signs. I should have, should have, should have, should have—
I should have known the truth, and maybe there was a part of me that did. A part that knew that Trevor couldn’t love me because his heart had already been given to someone else, that tried to warn me, You will always be second best, and he will break your heart, in the end.
But just then, just when I think I can’t stand it, Sawyer reaches out and squeezes my hand. And this complete calm washes over me. Yes, Helen is beautiful. Yes, Trevor loves her in a way he never loved me. Yes, my feelings are bruised and wounded and battered and frayed, but—
That’s all just ego, isn’t it?
I don’t need Trevor to love me.
I’m doing just fine. Madden and I are killing it on our own, and good things are happening—in my career, in my friendships, and with the guy sitting beside me, who is ten times the man Trevor ever was.
I have a life I couldn’t have had if Trevor had been less of an idiot.
I take a deep breath.
“You okay?” Sawyer murmurs.
“Yeah, actually,” I whisper. “You?” I turn to glance at him. And the expression on his face is—
He looks pained.
I feel like a selfish bitch for not having once thought about the fact that this would be difficult for him, too.
I squeeze his hand back, hard. And try to send, through my fingers, some message that will help.
While I try not to think about what his unhappiness means for me.