Page 77 of Sin and Redemption

The intensity of our orgasms let us both flop down on the mattress in exhaustion, and I pulled her into my arms, loving that I could do this now, that the distance from the past was no more. Sara peered up at me with a warm smile and pressed her cheek against my chest. “The sound of your heartbeat always makes me drowsy,” she mumbled, sounding as if she was already half asleep.

“Sleep tight,” I murmured.

I could feel my own body slowly succumbing to exhaustion, and soon, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

I blew out a breath before I finally gathered the courage to look at the pregnancy test. We’d been trying for six months, and even though I knew statistically we were still doing fine, I was growing impatient. I didn’t want to wait longer. I wanted to heal the ache I felt after losing my last pregnancy, and I knew only a new pregnancy would be able to do that. My eyes widened in disbelief when the result showed up. Tears shot into my eyes, and I began to laugh.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a deep sob. Pregnant. I was really pregnant. Maximus and I had been having sex frequently and not just when my fertile days rolled around. That part of our relationship had been easier to build up than I’d thought. Becoming a couple and growing closer on an emotional level was more work, especially when the past still held us back. Guilt was our shadow.

With the test clutched in my hand, I picked up my phone and called Mom. She answered after two rings.

“I’m pregnant,” I rushed out before she could say anything.

“Oh, Sara! I’m so happy for you! How did Maximus react?”

I froze, guilt creeping up on me. “I haven’t told him yet. I just took the test.”

Mom paused. “You called me first?” she asked gently.

“I should have told him first, right?”

“Well, he’s probably busy at work. You needed to share your excitement. That’s understandable.”

“Yes,” I agreed. But if I was being honest, I hadn’t even considered calling Maximus. I grimaced. I had been so excited and just wanted to talk to someone who’d share my excitement. I wasn’t sure if Maximus was that person. Despite trying to get me pregnant for a while, we’d never really talked about this. I wasn’t even sure how many kids he wanted, if he wanted any, or if he only wanted them to make me happy and to redeem himself. I’d been so focused on my own wish for children and my hopes that a new pregnancy would heal the wounds from the last that I hadn’t thought about Maximus.

“I’ll surprise him tonight,” I said. “I hope he’ll be happy.”

“I know he will be. He wants to make you happy. It’s so very obvious.”

I swallowed. “Yeah, but I want him to be happy because it’s something he wants too.”

“Don’t worry, Sara. Don’t let your worries ruin this day for you. You’ve been waiting so long for it. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I hung up, then wondered how I could reveal the pregnancy to Maximus. I simply had to have faith that he too would be excited to build a family. The worst thing would be the wait. I wanted to shout my pregnancy from the rooftops because I was so excited. Then worry filtered through my happiness. What if something happened? Wouldn’t it be better to tell only a few select people until I was safe? But when would I feel safe? At twelve weeks? I had been at almost twelve weeks when I’d lost our last baby. I took a deep breath. Today was for celebrating. I wanted to enjoy this day and surprise Maximus.

When Maximus came home that night, I’d prepared his favorite meal: a cheeseburger with fries.

Considering I loved to cook, finding out about Maximus’s favorite meal had been a damper, but I’d simply made it my task to create the perfect burger with homemade buns, patties, and even hand-cut fries. Cooking for Maximus every evening was my way of showing him how much I cared about him. I really hoped he understood my intentions. He wasn’t really someone who talked about emotions.

Maximus froze in the kitchen doorway when he saw the display of burger items spread out on the table so he could build his own burger. I opened the oven and pulled out a sheet pan with perfectly crisp riffled fries.

“Wow. This smells delicious,” he said. He immediately hurried toward the table, then he paused and turned to me instead. He pressed a kiss to my lips. “The burger almost made me forget my manners.”

I chuckled despite my nervousness. Even though we’d tried for a baby for a while, telling Maximus about my pregnancy made me insanely nervous. There was also still the small nagging voice inside my head, worried that I shouldn’t be excited about this pregnancy yet—what if it ended like my last?

Maximus rubbed my arm. “Are you okay?”

I quickly nodded. Despite the hesitation in his eyes, he went over to the table and sat down. He glanced around the table, looking for the burger buns, the only item missing.

“There’s a bun in my oven,” I said. I cringed inwardly. In my head, it sounded way cuter than it did when I said it out loud.

Maximus frowned at the oven behind me. He rose as if to get the buns himself. “There’s a bun in my oven,” I repeated again, determined to pull through with this idea, even if it was cringy.

He paused, obviously confused. His gaze moved from the oven to my face, then slowly down to where my hand rested on my belly. He straightened at once, eyes wide. “You…?”

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