Page 8 of Sin and Redemption

“I don’t care what led to this point,” Romero said tightly. “All I care about is my daughter, who suffers innocently. I want revenge, and I want it as soon as possible. It won’t help Sara, but since it’s all I can do, I’ll do it.”

I nodded. I couldn’t undo what had happened, but I’d do anything in my power to kill Jabba and his crew. It wouldn’t make Sara forgive me, but I’d never dare ask for her forgiveness anyway.

Mom kept glancing my way on our way home from the doctor. Two bodyguards sat in the front while we were in the back seat of the SUV. Four more bodyguards followed us in two black cars. I’d never been on the receiving end of so much protection, but I had been glad. Of course, even my protection had been upped after bikers had kidnapped Marcella, but I’d still enjoyed so much freedom.

I swallowed as my thoughts drifted back to what had happened. Goose bumps rose on my skin, and I shivered. The movement increased the soreness between my legs, another reminder of the horrors of this day.

Is there a chance of a pregnancy?

The doctor’s question flashed in my mind. Mom had been horrified, and so had I. Until that moment, I hadn’t even considered that this humiliation might lead to further consequences.

I shivered again. I hadn’t been able to answer the question. I wasn’t stupid. Of course, I knew that intercourse always meant a chance of conception, but the chances would increase drastically if Maximus…

I stopped myself from following that train of thought. I wanted to forget, to pretend it never happened.

Mom squeezed my hand even tighter. “We’ll get through this. No matter what happens next, we’ll get through this as a family.”

“I’m supposed to marry in two months.”

“You’re still marrying—” Mom searched my face. Nobody would have pegged her for a woman in her mid-forties, but she looked her age today. Her naturally dark blond hair hardly showed any gray, and except for a few fine lines around her eyes from smiling so much, she had no wrinkles. “Unless you don’t want to.”

I wasn’t sure what I wanted. But if I was pregnant with Maximus’s child, I couldn’t marry another man.

“I’m sure Paolo will gladly raise the child as his own.”

Sometimes it was scary how well Mom knew my train of thought. I bit my lip, my eyes burning with a new wave of tears. Would Paolo really want that? Did I? “I don’t want a child from an act like that.”

Mom swallowed, then nodded slowly. “Of course, I understand. If you’re pregnant, we’ll deal with it.”

Mom wasn’t fond of abortions, but I knew she’d have my back no matter what I decided. Deep down, I knew that I would keep the baby because I wasn’t sure if I could live with the guilt. Unlike many other girls who faced the same impossible decision, I had enough family support and money. “I’ll keep it if I’m pregnant. But I hope I’m not.”

Mom squeezed my hand again, but we didn’t talk anymore. I was exhausted, mentally and physically, in a way I’d never experienced. My body wanted to sleep, but my mind was scared of the images I’d relive.

When we arrived at our home, I felt a sense of safety I hadn’t until now. My body ached faintly, but the painkillers had started to kick in. Usually, I wouldn’t have taken meds for the level of discomfort I felt between my legs, but I just didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened every moment of the day. It wouldn’t be easy to forget, but I wanted to try.

“I left Inessa and Alea with Aria in the Hamptons so you can recover in a quiet surrounding.”

Mom meant well, but quiet was the last thing I wanted right now. I feared the voices I’d hear once it became quiet around me. I wanted distraction and normalcy. I wanted to be the Sara from this morning, not the one I could feel myself turning into. I wanted to cozy up with a sweet small-town romance, eat homemade cookies, and listen to my sisters’ bickering. I wanted to be safe in the knowledge of what my future held.

“Oh, you want them home?” Mom said after a glance at my face. “I just thought…” She let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t really think. I just did what I hoped was best.”

“It’s okay. Let them stay with Aunt Aria tonight. It’s already too late to have them come home. Maybe it’s better if I have until tomorrow to compose myself before they see me. I don’t want them to be worried about me.” I hesitated. “Do they know what happened?”

“We didn’t tell them much, just that you were captured but could be saved quickly.”

Not quick enough. My belly constricted. We got out of the car. Two bodyguards followed us. I was glad I couldn’t read anyone’s thoughts. Their expressions were enough to make me want to hide.

It was already half past eight, but I was scared to go up to my room alone despite my need to shower. “Can you come with me? I need to grab a shower…” Tears welled up in my eyes. Even our cozy home, a place that had always made me feel safe and happy, only made me realize how much had changed since this morning. Looking at the many family photos on our walls depicting a smiling Sara with bright, hopeful eyes felt like a slap.

Mom nodded quickly, her fight for composure as clear as day on her face.

I didn’t break down in the shower as I’d feared. I felt oddly detached from myself, from the situation…maybe it was a temporary thing, my mind’s way to protect me. I was glad for the reprieve.

After the shower, Mom and I curled up on the sofa in our living room, covered with wool blankets, and watched a Disney movie. My mind was far away, but seeing the colorful images rush by felt good. I was glad Mom had decided against our usual choice of a clichéd, romantic Hallmark movie. The mere idea of seeing people being romantic when my chances of ever experiencing the same were nil made me recoil.

My eyes began to droop when the lock disengaged, and Flavio and Dad returned home. Mom sat up, and I did too. Dad and my brother looked exhausted and guilty. Guilt was always involved for mafia men when their girls or women got hurt.

“It’s not your fault, Flavio,” I said firmly before he could utter an apology. “There were too many. You alone couldn’t have done anything different from…” I took a deep breath. “Maximus.”

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